title of web site: postcards from the pug bus
 
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.


Deplorably Speaking
Herein your fearless editor in briefs, who was deplorable long before deplorable was a meme, holds forth, but seldom holds his tongue, on a variety of topics ranging from the politicalization of sports to the emasculation of male college students to the idiocies of third-wave feminism to the reasons for the sudden prominence of white-interest™ movements to whatever fickles his nancy. You can check in any time you like, but come prepared to stay. Previous topics include, but are not limited to:

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards proves that if life sends you iron-willed dogs, you might as well make irony.
Sample chapters . . . 1 2


What Would Nietzsche Do?
image of nietzscheThese are the times that would try men's souls if men had souls. Despite the well-deserved growth of athiesm and the alt-right, we cannot expect the still-dominant humanoid culture to go brightly into the new dawn. Those bastards will try to shit in our parade every chance they get. Should you encounter one of their steaming roadblocks, just ask yourself, What would Nietzsche do?.
Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.


Humor Feed Banner
Happy Birthday Britney, You Bitch
Britney Spears is thirty-five today. We celebrate this occasion by recalling some of the more what-the-fuck-moments from her career. At 22, Britney married her childhood pal Jason Alexander in Las Vegas, Nevada, after a night of twinkie abuse and huffing glue. This ill-considered marriage, which was annulled or something like that in fifty-five hours, was the first in an epic series of oops-I-shit-the-bed-again moments Ms. Spears provided a gobsmacked nation for more than a year. The Pug Bus, which was then still a pup and apt to shit the bed itself, followed Bouncing Britney every stunning, did-she-just-flash-her-twat? step of the way.
Continue . . .
Dec 2, 2016 - 12:41


Alt-right Website Explains Difference Between Nazi and Roman Salutes
Dear Friedrich,
I was on my way to a cell meeting the other day when I met a friend on the street who greeted me with a raised-arm salute. I wanted to return her greeting, yet I couldn't tell whether she had given me a Roman or a Nazi salute, and I didn't want to commit a faux pas by returning the "wrong salute." Could you please explain the difference between the two?
Continue . . .
Dec 2, 2016 - 7:48


Don't Call Me a White Person Anymore
WEST CHESTER, Pa. - As the editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus, the alt-right's favorite satire site, I hereby declare that I do not wish to be known as a white person any longer. White person is a slave owner's term, and I do not want to be shackled by that sorry association. All future references to me, therefore, should say that I am a person of white©.
Continue . . .
Nov 30, 2016 - 11:00


The Nativity Story Is a Pious, Stinking, Goddamn Fraud
WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Many Christians, especially those who think it their constitutional right to set up a dumb-ass fucking crèche on the courthouse lawn once a year, believe that the four canonical gospels provide consistent versions of the story of Jesus' birth. Matter of fact, they do not.
Continue . . .
Nov 28, 2016 - 9:40


Gennifer Flowers Vows to Go Commando at First Debate
NEW YORK—Gennifer Flowers, one-time cum-dumpster for then governor of Arkansas, William Jefferson Blythe Clinton, says she will “go commando” at Monday night’s first presidential debate. Ms. Flowers, an “entertainment industry consultant and advocate for women’s rights,” was invited to the debate by Republican candidate Donald Trump.
Continue . . .
Sep 25, 2016 - 11:31


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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular, alt-right day.

 

Feeling Lucky, Punk?
image of gun with one bullet left in the chamber Many people know that certain gemstones, power phrases, and colors are associated with different signs of the zodiac. Only the true stargazer understands, however, the relationships among small appliances and zodiac signs. If you're always a few nachos short of a grande, you should open your mind to the voice of the small appliance that rules your universe—especially if that appliance is hissing or emiting sparks.
Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Although panic and campaign buttons aren't standard equipment on most Chef John blenders, yours is equipped with them. You will need the panic button when the candidate you support in a school board election is caught on a live mic calling the head of the school board a cunt.
Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): Be the envy of the zodiac with your Elvis Presley Solar-Powered Walking Stick and Eight-Track Flashback. The Gladys model doubles as a dowser that shimmies whenever an Elvis sighting is immanent, say, at a Popeyes or Krispy Kremes.
Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Thanks to the Quentin Tarentino Home Movie Splicer there's no need for cats to suck the breath out of babies any more. Now you can edit the little crumb snatchers out of home movies and replace them with cartoon monsters.
Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): Behind every successful Pisces there's a steam iron. George Washington, for example, used a crude form of a steam iron to press his uniform before posing for that famous photo op of him crossing the Delaware. Unfortunately, there wasn't time for the other men in the photo to borrow Washington's iron.
Aries (3/21 - 4/19): Your fastidiousness and passion for order are governed by the Sterile-matic Continuous-Clean Toaster. Unlike most people, whose toaster pans contain calcified nuggets with the mineral properties of fertilizer, your Sterile-matic and, by extension, your life are gleaming monuments to civility.
Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): The constellation Amana passing through the House of Proctor and Gamble designates the crockpot as your ruling small appliance. Unfortunately, the crockpot signifies both the pleasure of cooking for a family and the loneliness of the mechanized meal. Heads you win, tails you eat alone.
Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): The Katy Perry iPod rocks the Gemini world with high-production-values sensitivity. An 8-gigabyte memory is standard equipment on this gem, so no matter how often your muse comes singing in the mist, there will always be room for the rhymes she inspires.
Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Cancerians owe their clear skin to the Digital Electronic Cold Sore Eliminator. Blind dates, important job interviews, appearances in police lineups—with the Electronic Zit Remover you can make a smooth appearance whatever the occasion. Those walking STD incubators Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer swear by theirs. You will, too.
Leo (7/23 - 8/22): Portable, battery-operated desk fans are associated with many influential persons. No matter what your Leo body type—Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, or Mae West—a desk fan can help to keep you cool. Mick never leaves home, his own or his latest model friend's, without his.
Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): Your ruling cosmic appliance—a Dual-Action Reading Light and Self-Cleaning Fish Scaler—will become exceedingly scarce and valuable after it is demonstrated by Martha Stewart on a shopping channel segment sponsored by the National Organization of Women.
Libra (9/23 - 10/23): David Chang Electronic Chopsticks-Cum-Knitting Needles are the perfect appliance for Librans on the go. Why overdose on greasy wontons and calory-laden duck sauce when you can knit one and purl two while you're waiting for your steamed selections from column A and column B to arrive.
Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): The Lidia Bastianich Air Freshener and Pasta Maker satisfies your passion for practicality. You can prepare dinner without worrying that your tricolored tortellini will be compromised by litter box odor while you try to impress that important family member or friend.

The Gift of GAB
image of GAB avatarFuck those Twitter cunts and pearl clutchers. They banned all the cool kids like Milo, so all the cool kids are matriculating to GAB, where free spech matters.
Back by Unpopular Demand
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Read any three articles, get the fourth one free!

The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a jointSmoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
Contact Us, You Motley Fool, or Else
image of a beat up, rusty old mailboxHey, Skippy. Here's your big chance. Let us know what you think or if you think. You know you want to. Go ahead. We dare you. We might even print your stinking letter. Send email to Phil Maggitti, Pug Bus Editor in Briefs
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of a person in the sight of a gun American Freedom Party—Dedicated to the preservation of Western Civilization, its people, culture, and principles. Is there a problem with that?

American Atheists—Dog is my co-pilot. Indeed, the stories of god's creative prowess might be more credible if he had stopped after creating animals.

Breitbart News—Go for Milo, but stay for the celebration of Trump's victory. Alt-right makes might. Who knew? Don't eat the yellow snowflakes.

High Times—Things go better with smoke and with mushrooms, wax, and edibles, too. The best weed porn in the world.

Milo Yiannopoulos—The Dangerous Faggott dances with the devil and a boatload of black dudes. Smart, silly, impudent, and well-informed.

National Policy Institute—“Hail Trump, hail our people, hail victory!” And hail Richard B. Spencer, founder of the National Policy Institute, who spoke the words that set liberals' minds on fire all around the nation.

Pirate Bay—Because anybody who pays for music, books, movies, or software when he doesn't have to is a fucking mope.

Soulseek—Best single source of music on the web. Been using this "lending library" for a dozen years now. If you can call it to mind, you can find it (and download it) here.

Vaults of Erowid—Intelligent people do drugs intelligently; stupid people, not so much. If you've never smoked, snorted, or shot it before, check here first with some of your intrepid ffellow travelers.

VDARE—The premier news outlet for patriotic immigration reform. I can think of a country that's sorely in need of immigration reform—and fewer murderous immigrants.