Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
 You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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The Grammar Prick
 Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
 The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters: 1 2
Free the Music
 Strike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
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Romney Refutes Santorum's Stool Sample Claim
CONCORD, N.H. - The shit hit the fan yesterday morning when Republican presidential hopefuls met for a debate on Meet the Press. Toward the end of the debate Rick Santorum dropped a bombshell when he announced that he was planning to bring the Marian Stool on tour as a means of energizing his base and demonstrating God's preference for his candidacy.
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Jan 9, 2012, 11:37
Tim Tebow Denounced by Opponents of Interracial Marriage
LOUISVILLE, Ky. - A firestorm erupted when the Gulnare Freewill Baptist Church in rural Kentucky voted to ban mixed-race couples from joining its congregation. Following this vote, numerous members of the National Association of Freewill Baptist Churches (NAFBC) threw feul on the flames by publishing racially incriminating photographs of the notorious Christian quarterback Tim Tebow.
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Jan 2, 2012, 12:24
How NBA Players Economized During the Lockout
MIAMI - NBA players will finally report to training camps tomorrow to prepare for the 2011-2012 season, which begins December 25 this year, nearly two months later than usual.
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Dec 8, 2011, 13:13
The Grammar Prick Sticks It to Alanis Morissette
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - When President Obama said that America had been "lazy" for the past few decades, he was talking about our national language scandal. Americans, the president said, are too lazy to search for the home run utterance; they settle instead for a cheap single up the middle; and that, boys and girls, is why the word ironic has been bastardized beyond recognition.
More.
Nov 30, 2011, 10:04
Joe Paterno Diagnosed with Cancer, Penn State Students Riot
STATE COLLEGE, Penna, - When students learned that former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno had been diagnosed with lung cancer, they took to the streets by the thousands last night, clashing with police and overturning at least one medical vehicle.
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Nov 19, 2011, 07:50
Facebook Considering Fuckbook Spinoff
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Surprised by some users' reactions to the pornographic and violent images that appeared on Facebook recently, officials at the site are considering an adults-only version of Facebook, tentatively called Fuckbook.
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Nov 16, 2011, 20:42
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© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.
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 Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
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