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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Angelina Jolie Offended by Virgin Mary Wal-Mart Painting
Jan 7, 2007 - 4:07
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LOS ANGELES - Angelina Jolie is offended by a painting that depicts her as the Virgin Mary hovering in a cloud over a Wal-Mart checkout line. The painting, called "Twelve Items or Less," was executed by Kate Kretz, an obscure North Carolina artist best known until now for her painting of Richard Petty hovering in a cloud over the infield at Dover Downs Raceway.

The painting—acrylic and oil on linen—depicts an angelic Jolie walking on clouds, holding her newborn daughter, Shiloh. Meanwhile, her adopted children, Maddox and Zahara, stand at either side of her, clutching her virgin blue gown. The older children are naked but for their wings. Below the holy trinity is a Wal-Mart checkout line.

"The painting is laughable," said Ms. Jolie. "I've seen better 'art' for sale at gas stations or on those holy cards they give away at viewings. I bet the 'artist' does a mean picture of Jesus—you know, the kind where his eyes seem to follow you around the room."

Ms. Jolie's major complaint, however, is with the setting of "Twelve Items or Less."

"I've never been inside a Wal-Mart in my life," she sniffed. "I don't believe in supporting companies that depress wages artificially, exploit women, and drive out local competition. If that woman had painted me in a more representative setting—an orphanage in Calcutta or a workers' co-op in Costa Rica—I wouldn't have minded, but Wal-Mart? Give me a break."

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Twelve Items or Less
While nobody has defended "Twelve Items or Less" as fine art, at least one observer thinks Ms. Jolie doth protest too much.

"Maybe Angelina doesn't shop in Wal-Mart," said Dr. Phil McGraw, "but a lot of her fan base does. Besides I think there are other issues at work here. Ms. Jolie certainly gives evidence of suffering from a chronic case of Madonna with Child Syndrome. The woman has not appeared in public without a baby on board in a long time.

"Obviously there is some deep-seated psychological need driving her behavior. I find it highly significant that as soon as Ms. Jolie finally let her adopted son, Maddox, walk on his own at the advanced age of four years, she adopted an infant girl and then had a backup baby of her own for good measure. Perhaps she doesn't like the painting because it hits too close to home."

Artist Kate Kretz, for her part, seems surprised at all the attention her painting has attracted. She told Popular Art magazine she is sorry if Ms. Jolie "doesn't get it." She also revealed that she wasn't going to let public reaction keep her from starting work on her next painting—Britney Spears and her two sons standing in a cloud over the food court in a California mall. After that she said she plans to return to her other loves, hair embroideries and psychological clothing.

In related news, Twelve Items or Less can be purchased for $50,000 through Chelsea Galleria in Miami, which represents Ms. Kretz.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
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Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
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American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it