You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Jessica Simpson Wants to Adopt a Pillow Angel
Jan 9, 2007, 07:54
LOS ANGELES - Jessica Simpson read the news today, oh boy, and now the singer-actress wants to adopt a pillow angel. Ms. Simpson had been interested in adopting a child formerly, but after scoring poorly on a questionnaire sent to her by an adoption agency in Tijuana, Mexico, she became dispirited.
Recently, however, Ms. Simpson has been telling friends, "One of them cute little pillow angels that don't grow much and stays wherever you put them would fit right in with my busy lifestyle. How smart do you have to be to look after one of them?"
The pillow angel who caught Ms. Simpson's attention is Ashley, a nine-year-old girl with static encephalopathy, a severe brain impairment that prevents her from walking, talking, or sitting up. Ashley is fed by tube, and her parents call her "pillow angel" because she stays where they place her, usually on a pillow.
Fearing that Ashley would become too big to lift or to move or to take on family outings easily, her parents arranged for growth attenuation treatments that will prevent Ashley from exceeding 4 feet 5 inches in height or 75 pounds in weight. When their choice became public, it sparked a torrid debate among medical ethicists and child welfare advocates, but in Jessica Simpson it sparked an idea.
"That'd be just like having somebody the size of Nicole Richie around, only one that don't fall down all the time and don't mind being fed by a tube, like them pillow babies are," said Ms. Simpson.
Although Ms. Simpson said she wasn't sure where to find a pillow angel, she did not sound deterred.
"I betcha one of them websites has information about them; if not I'll get my secretary to look on eBay or MySpace."
Next Oprah: Decorating with Pillow Angels
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
