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Madonna, Brad Pitt Appearance in Porn Composer's Biopic Delayed
Jan 10, 2007, 06:26
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Shooting of a biopic of the life of porn movie composer Klaus Harmony, said to be starring Madonna, Brad Pitt, John Cusack, and Anthony Hopkins, has been postponed. The movie, A Touch of Klaus, was scheduled to begin shooting in Utrecht in the spring with veteran British director Ken Russell behind the lens.
According to a source close to the production, the delay was occasioned by death threats sent to the film's producers, but Universal Studios executive Randy Katz denied that claim.
"We've had to push the schedule back a few weeks because of issues with locations, but we anticipate a successful shooting. We're very excited."
Jan Sink, CEO at Netherlands-based HarmonSink productions, which owns the rights to the Klaus Harmony repertoire, was less emphatic.
"Oh, for sure a few problems have come up. There are always some arguments with these things. Maybe there are some objections, but love will always win."
Helmut Harmony, son of the legendary composer and chairman of HarmonSink and Judd Music, is thought to be privately disappointed at the choice of John Cusack to portray his father. Insiders suggested that Helmut had hoped Thomas Haden Church would take the role.
Sources at Universal have hinted that a sequence recreating scenes from Friedrich Wohlfahrt's Die Sins des Apostles will appear in the film. This, along with recent controversy surrounding the sale of the porn composer's music online, has led some to conclude that the American parents group UPCA are responsible for the alleged threats.
A remark from UPCA spokesperson, Rhonda Kennedy, who failed to condemn any such threats, did little to end the rumours.
"I don't know anything about it," she told reporters, "but I'll tell you one thing, I'm not in the least surprised. Those m*th*r-f*ck*rs are going too far. Forgive me, Lord."
Rumor has it that Madonna, who will play one of Klaus Harmony's five wives, has already recorded a dance remix of "Sad Funk Lonely," one of the composer's songs from 1979's Gefahrliche Bruste (Killer Tits). Madonna met Klaus Harmony at a New York photo shoot in 1983.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
