Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Paris Hilton Sex Video Sanitized by A&E for Valentine's Day
Jan 15, 2007, 10:09
"Testing: one, two, three. Is this thing on?"
LOS ANGELES - The Paris Hilton sex video, 1 Night in Paris, will be featured as a half-hour, commercial-free special on the A&E Network this Valentine's Day. The original unedited version of this sexplicit video, which made Paris Hilton a bedroom name, has been in circulation on the Internet since late 2003.
Two years later a commercial version of the video, distributed by Red Light District, captured two adult video news awards—for best renting title of the year and best selling title of the year.
"Until now, however," said A&E program director Lydia Stoudt, "this oddly touching work has been considered too raw even for cable television, let alone advertising-supported cable channels."
Then somebody at A&E got the bright idea to scrub 1 Night in Paris with the same antiseptic brush that substituted freakin', cod-sucker, and dunce for more graphic utterances in A&E's surprisingly popular remake of The Sopranos.
"The 4.3 million viewers who watched the first two episodes of the new Sopranos told us loud and clear that there's a market for creative re-interpretations of underground classics such as 1 Night in Paris," said Ms. Stoudt.
*Although she was hesitant "to give away the store," Ms. Stoudt assured THEM Weekly that "many of the best bits" in 1 Night in Paris had survived the steam cleaning.
"The part where Paris answers her cell phone will still be there, as will the scene where Max Majernik pops up from under the bed and gives Paris and Rick (co-star and director, Rick Salomon) two thumbs way up."
Beyond that Ms. Stoudt was not willing to go, except to say there are several amusing scenes where Ms. Hilton appears to be singing into a microphone.
In other news, Rolling Stone senior music critic Anthony DeCurtis predicted that Bindi Irwin would be "bigger than Britney" one day. Mr. DeCurtis made this announcement after seeing Bindi and her Crocmen back-up dancers tear through a blistering cover of Heart's "Crazy on You" when they opened for The Wiggles at LA's historic Ahmanson Theatre over the weekend.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
