Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Eminem Remarries and Adopts New Nickname
Jan 17, 2006, 08:58
The bride wore white.
ROCHESTER HILLS, Mich. - Marshall Bruce Mathers III of Kansas City, Missouri, and Kimberly Ann Scott Mathers of Detroit, Michigan, were married last Saturday in an elegant ceremony at Meadow Brook Hall, a 110-room Tudor-revival style mansion.
The groom, 33, is the son of Deborah Mathers-Briggs of Detroit and Marshall Bruce Mathers II, present whereabouts unknown. The bride, 31, is the daughter of Kathleen Sluck of Detroit and an "unidentified Caucasian male." Ms. Sluck was in attendance; Mrs. Mathers-Briggs, who is estranged from her son, was not.
Mr. Mathers is a CEO in the entertainment industry who does business under the name Eminem. Mrs. Mathers lists her occupation as "events planner."
Because his father changed places of employment and residence frequently, Mr. Mathers studied in a number of schools as a youth. He last attended Lincoln High School in Detroit, leaving at the age of seventeen, just three years short of attaining a diploma.
A.C. Lombard, Mr. Mather's detention hall monitor at Lincoln High, recalls Mr. Mathers as "a feisty sort who made up in determination what he lacked in size and brains."
Mrs. Mathers, who recently attended Hazelden, a nonprofit drug treatment institution, met her future husband while they were students at Lincoln High.
"The first time I saw him," she recalled, "he was involved in an alteration in the cafeteria. I liked the way he comported himself."
The Mathers' wedding was described as "fabulous" by one guest, "like an opulent 1920s Meadow Brook party the Dodges might have hosted. There were silver bowls filled with pink, coral, and purple roses and elaborate silver candelabra. Kim's bridal bouquet had orchids and pink and white roses, and she wore a long, white gown."
Like his bride, Mr. Mathers wore white. He stood out from his groomsmen, who wore black tuxedos.
Mr. Mather's best man was Detroit singer-songwriter Proof. Mrs. Mather's maid of honor was her daughter by Mr. Mathers, Hailie Jade, 10. Flower girls included Mrs. Mather's other daughter, Whitney, 2, from a previous relationship, and Mrs. Mather's niece, Alaina, 12.
The centerpiece of the wedding was a five-tier marble cake with blue icing on the top. The cake featured a fountain from which poured pink Mogen David wine. The one hundred guests were served New Jersey lobster and choice filet mignon. Several entertainment industry notables were in attendance, including songsmiths 50 Cent, the recently wounded Obie Trice, and members of D12 and G-Unit.
Following a brief honeymoon in a suburban Detroit motel, the Mathers will resume their residence in Mr. Mather's $4.8-million, 15,000-square-foot mansion in the Detroit area. They are forestalling a longer honeymoon because of prior career obligations. Mr. Mathers is due in the recording studio later this month where he will produce and sing on a cover of the Michael Bolton/Percy Sledge hit: "When A Man Loves A Woman." Mrs. Mathers, meanwhile, will be devoting her time to planning her next event, a Super Bowl party.
In the tradition of other society couples such as Brangelina, Vaughniston, and Benifer II, the Mathers announced that they have registered a nickname. They will be known collectively in the future as Kiminem.
The wedding was the second for both parties. They were previously married on June 14, 1999, in St. Joseph, Missouri, and divorced in October 2001.
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Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
