You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Writers Strike Cripples Celebrity Satire, Sex Video Website
Jan 28, 2008, 11:10
Writers wanted.
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - The three-month-old Writer's Guild of America (WGA) strike has flattened the tires of Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania's leading celebrity satire website.
Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of Postcards, confirmed yesterday that the recent absence of new material on the site is a consequence of the WGA walkout.
"It's ironic, in the true sense of the word, that our two staff writers have engaged in a work stoppage for higher wages," said Mr. Maggitti, speaking by phone from his quaintly appointed den.
"We don't pay them anything for their 'work' in the first place," he continued. "So even if I doubled their wages, two times bupkis is still bupkis. Besides, they're not even in the goddamn union."
Ironically, again in the true sense of the word, traffic at the cutting edge Postcards site hasn't dropped as much as one might have expected.
"Off the top of my head," said Mr. Maggitti, "I'd say we're down roughly 35 percent, despite posting only seven new articles this month. That's a testimony to the strength of our back catalog, particularly the exclusive pieces about celebrity sex videos that we've featured.
"We have the inside stories on the Rachael Ray, Jessica Sierra, and Vanessa Hudgens videos, and they're still drawing a lot of rubberneckers and their rubber appendages."
For the duration of the WGA strike, Postcards from the Pug Bus hopes to feature the work of unknown satire writers.
"Give us your pissed off, your demented, your celebrity obsessed, and your homeless writers looking for a break," said Mr. Maggitti. "If they send it, we'll post it; though we do reserve the right, of course, to edit for content, style, and the proper use of irony and coincidence."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
