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Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


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Reese Witherspoon Early Favorite to Win Most Annoying Celebrity Award
Feb 5, 2006 - 8:44
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LAS VEGAS - Oddsmakers have installed Oscar nominee and Golden Globe winner Reese Witherspoon as a 9-to-5 favorite to capture the 2006 Postcards from the Pug Bus Most Annoying Celebrity Golden Sphincter award. The gratingly perky Witherspoon and her Mount Rushmore chin leaped to the head of the queue as a result of her acceptance speech when she won the best actress prize at the Screen Actors Guild awards.

"Oh, my god, y'all," gushed Ms. Witherspoon, who won the award for her impersonation of June Carter Cash in the movie Walk the Line. "Sometimes, I can't just shake the feeling that I'm just a little girl from Tennessee."

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Reese Witherspoon on location during the filming of Wynonna Judd bioipic.
"As annoying moments go that was big," said Vegas Vic. "I half expected her to say, 'You like me. You really like me' next. If she wins an Oscar and makes a long, blubbering acceptance speech during which she says something stupid like 'Iím just trying to matter,' she's going to be hard to beat."

Pug Bus Editor in Briefs Phil Maggitti said he wasn't surprised by Ms. Witherspoon's emergence as a public annoyance.

"She has a knack for getting on an intelligent person's last nerve," said Mr. Maggitti. "She's built a reputation as a 'good' actress by appearing in movies that were so terrible she came up looking like a diamond in dog dirt. Legally Blond and Legally Blond 2, Sweet Home Alabama, Just Like Heaven—those aren't anybody's idea of great cinema. Even someone like Witherspoon with a range of facial expressions that runs the gamut from an amazed Pekingese to an angry Pekingese would look good in those mutts."

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Referring to Ms. Witherspoon as "a fair bet to become the Sally Field of her generation," Mr. Maggitti ticked off additional reasons why Ms. Witherspoon is so annoying: "She married somebody from Delaware; her real name is Laura Jean Reese Witherspoon; she was really born in Baton Rouge, Louisiana (according to the Internet Movie Database); she guest starred on Friends; she appeared in a movie with Sally Field; she appeared in a movie with a Chihuahua; she turned up at the Golden Globes this year in a Chanel dress worn by actress Kirsten Dunst at a Globes after-party three years ago, just so she could complain that awards 'are all about the clothes.'"



Ask the Curmudgeon
Q. If worldwide is one word, how come the abbreviation for worldwide web isn't ww instead of www?
A. For the same reason that Internet Movie Database is abbreviated IMDB.


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