Home   Ass Hat Awards   Blog   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff  
Search This Site
Numbers That Wag the Dog
Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

Official Carly Fiorina
C-Bomb Counter™
The Donald was right: Who could vote for that mug? Imagine seeing that cowpie with eyes on the front page of your newspaper in the morning. The only thing worse would be seeing that cowpie with eyes in your bed in the morning. She's a two-bagger, for sure. She's also a devout foe of the word cunt, though she gives every appearance of being one.Indeed,a source close to the Fiorina campaign revealed recently that if old grumblemug gets elected, she'll make the use of that word in any public space a felony. Thus we feel obliged to introduce the Official Carly Fiorina C-Bomb Counter, which reports the number of times the C-Bomb has been used any place in America since you landed on this page. (Figures do not include uses by Donald Trump, who calls women cunts all the time.)

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1-  -2-

Humor Feed Banner

Harry Potter Star Emma Watson Envies Britney Spears' Success
Mar 19, 2007 - 8:29
an image
"Doesn't this hat
make me look cool?"
LONDON - Emma Watson doesn't want to be known as "that girl from Harry Potter" any more. The sixteen-year-old actress, who plays Harry's brainiac schoolmate Hermione Granger, has flipped the bird to Warner Bros., refusing to extend her indentured servitude by appearing in films six and seven of the never ending Potter series.

When a pair of tasseled loafers from the studio offered to double her salary to $2 million, she turned the other cheeky in a brief text message, "Sod off, clown."

A source at Warner Bros. said the studio was willing to go $2.25 million and a Toyota RAV4, "but not a penny higher."

Friends of Ms. Watson say her refusal to play the virginal Hermione isn't about money. It's about a desire to grow up.

"Her role models have changed," said Charlotte Temple-West, a close friend of Ms. Watson's from the Headington School. "Emma used to idolize Gwyneth Paltrow, but all she ever talks about now are Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan."

Other friends report that Ms. Watson has started drinking beer and strawberry wine coolers and saying things like bloody and fuckin' 'ell and other expressions Hermione would never use.

"Emma's tired of being the good girl," said Ms. Temple-West. "She was disappointed when she read the script for Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince and there weren't any sex scenes between her and Ron in it."

an image
"Whoa, two sips and already
I feel shitfaced."
THEM Weekly tracked Emma Watson down by cell phone at a London club last weekend. Shouting to make herself heard above the Scissor Sisters' latest single, "She's My Man," Ms. Watson confirmed that she wanted to pattern her career after Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.

"I'll be seventeen next month, and I'm still a virgin," she yelled in a dreadful imitation of a Cockney accent. "It's bloody embarrassing. Fuckin' 'ell. I'm dyin' for a shag, but guys are either intimidated by me, or they have their defenses up, or else they like to take the piss out of me for playin' a stuck up who wouldn't say cock if she had a mouthful. I'm bloody sick of it."

Asked how she planned to celebrate her birthday, Ms. Watson shouted, "With a boob job, a randy good shag, and some killer blow. You doin' anythin' April 15, mate?"

When THEM Weekly reminded Ms. Watson that seventeen, no matter how willing, was still underage in some countries, she yelled, "Well piss off then. I'm gonna have a slash and take me knickers off and dance on the bar."

In other news, oh balls, there is no other news, unless you consider Britney Spears wetting the bed again news.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter
or we'll follow your ass home.

image of clapped out mailbox in Bumfuck, USAEmail us. Got a question, a comment, a pithy observation, or do you just want to tell us to fuck off and die. Here's your big chance, Skippy.

Back by Unpopular Demand

The Fuck It List

image of a big fucking thumb pointing down

Shit to Give Up Before You Die

☻Seat Belts
☻Paying for Music and Movies
☻Holiday Celebrations
☻Pissing Indoors All the Time
☻Paying Attention to Stop Signs
☻Going to Bed Before Midnight.
☻Standing for the fucking
      National Anthem at Sporting
☻Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknown There's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.

The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the stones to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a total dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed on a roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby American Atheists
High Times
Pirate Bay
Spectrum Labs
Vaults of Erowid