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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

image of a gun

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Harry Potter Star Emma Watson Envies Britney Spears' Success
Mar 19, 2007 - 8:29
an image
"Doesn't this hat
make me look cool?"
LONDON - Emma Watson doesn't want to be known as "that girl from Harry Potter" any more. The sixteen-year-old actress, who plays Harry's brainiac schoolmate Hermione Granger, has flipped the bird to Warner Bros., refusing to extend her indentured servitude by appearing in films six and seven of the never ending Potter series.

When a pair of tasseled loafers from the studio offered to double her salary to $2 million, she turned the other cheeky in a brief text message, "Sod off, clown."

A source at Warner Bros. said the studio was willing to go $2.25 million and a Toyota RAV4, "but not a penny higher."

Friends of Ms. Watson say her refusal to play the virginal Hermione isn't about money. It's about a desire to grow up.

"Her role models have changed," said Charlotte Temple-West, a close friend of Ms. Watson's from the Headington School. "Emma used to idolize Gwyneth Paltrow, but all she ever talks about now are Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan."

Other friends report that Ms. Watson has started drinking beer and strawberry wine coolers and saying things like bloody and fuckin' 'ell and other expressions Hermione would never use.

"Emma's tired of being the good girl," said Ms. Temple-West. "She was disappointed when she read the script for Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince and there weren't any sex scenes between her and Ron in it."

an image
"Whoa, two sips and already
I feel shitfaced."
THEM Weekly tracked Emma Watson down by cell phone at a London club last weekend. Shouting to make herself heard above the Scissor Sisters' latest single, "She's My Man," Ms. Watson confirmed that she wanted to pattern her career after Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan.

"I'll be seventeen next month, and I'm still a virgin," she yelled in a dreadful imitation of a Cockney accent. "It's bloody embarrassing. Fuckin' 'ell. I'm dyin' for a shag, but guys are either intimidated by me, or they have their defenses up, or else they like to take the piss out of me for playin' a stuck up who wouldn't say cock if she had a mouthful. I'm bloody sick of it."

Asked how she planned to celebrate her birthday, Ms. Watson shouted, "With a boob job, a randy good shag, and some killer blow. You doin' anythin' April 15, mate?"

When THEM Weekly reminded Ms. Watson that seventeen, no matter how willing, was still underage in some countries, she yelled, "Well piss off then. I'm gonna have a slash and take me knickers off and dance on the bar."

In other news, oh balls, there is no other news, unless you consider Britney Spears wetting the bed again news.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
image of a sons of anarchy emblem on a motorcycle jacket
Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby

American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it