You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Chelsea Clinton Denies Posing for Mysterious Sculpture
Mar 20, 2008, 12:07
WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Former first child Chelsea Clinton denies she was the inspiration for a mysterious sculpture that appeared recently at the compound of Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satire website.
“I’m a huge fan of the Pug Bus, but I haven’t seen [the sculpture] yet—much less posed for it,” said Ms. Clinton, 28, who was pimping for her mother outside Fennario, a West Chester coffeehouse much favored by Goth kids and slaphead university professors with sad gray ponytails.
Astonished local residents who have seen the sculpture on the 1.2-acre Pug Bus compound near the West Chester University campus were gobsmacked over its appearance.
“It looks like an Afghan hound in heat,” said Jon Timmons, a kinesiology and home economics major, "or maybe a Tennessee walking horse with a stick up its ass."
“It’s a dead ringer for Chelsea Clinton—only better looking because a horse face always looks better on a horse,” said another observer wearing an Obama button who asked not to be identified.
Phil Maggitti, editor in briefs of Postcards from the Pug Bus, held a brief press conference in front of the horse yesterday.
“At first we thought the sumbitch had escaped from Burning Man," laughed Mr. Maggitti. "Then we figured some goddamn elementary school class had sneaked onto the compound Sunday night and put up another fucking memorial to Barbaro. They're all over this area, and before you can say "who gives a shit already," it will be derby time again.”
Mr. Maggitti said he had no plans to remove the sculpture, though he would entertain offers for it.
"If somebody's looking to trade his kingdom for a horse, we've got just the thing for him."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
