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You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
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Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
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Angelina Jolie Adoption Reaches Milestone
Mar 29, 2007, 16:24
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FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - Angelina Jolie is a long way from breaking Mia Farrow's parenting record—four biological and ten or eleven adopted kids—but the Tomb Raider star takes a back seat to nobody when it comes to adopting highways.

While the media focused on Ms. Jolie's three adoptions and one natural birth during the last five years, she was quietly adopting more than one million miles of highways in the United States.

"I still plan to adopt as many non-Caucasian children as possible," said Ms. Jolie yesterday after adopting a ten-mile portion of old Route 66 near Flagstaff, Arizona, which put her over the one-million mark.

"Nevertheless, once I've adopted fifteen or twenty children, I'll hit the glass ceiling, but there are no limits on highway adoptions."

Ms. Jolie's companion of the last two years, actor Brad Pitt, who dabbles in architecture, has designed several of the stylish signs that mark Ms. Jolie's highways.

"I am thrilled to be allowed to be a part of this project," said Mr. Pitt. "I had always wanted to adopt highways when I was married (to Jennifer Aniston).
Unfortunately, my wife did not share that enthusiasm."

In other news, Dell announced yesterday that it will soon begin selling PCs with the Linux operating system instead of Windows preinstalled. The announcement was greeted with scorn by long-time Linux users, who claim that you can't appreciate Linux unless you've spent five hours installing and configuring it.

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.