You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Angelina Jolie Namibia Trip Is Normal Prebirth Behavior
Apr 10, 2006, 07:37
JOHANNESBURG - Angelina Jolie quit Paris for Namibia last week in the latest exhibition of what National Geographic calls pre-partum nesting behavior. Ms. Jolie, who is due to deliver a baby in mid-May, has been scurrying from one location to another recently as she attempts to find a safe, comfortable spot in which to birth her child.
According to NBC (Namibian Broadcasting Company), Ms. Jolie arrived at the small Walvis Bay airport on a chartered flight on April 4, accompanied by Brad Pitt and their two adopted children, Maddox and Zahara. The Jolie-Pitts immediately repaired to a luxury beach lodge near the coastal town of Swakopmund, which is Namibian for "place where celebrities go during pre-partum nesting behavior."
"We see this sort of compulsive activity all the time," said National Geographic's science editor, E. Trevor Hollins. "Near the start of the last month of pregnancy, females generally begin to investigate remote beaches, luxury lodges, and even tiny cabanas in search of a nesting place. Or you may find them, as we regularly found one of our daughters, trying to burrow under the pillows on a large sectional sofa in a guest house. Once that sort of instinctual behavior kicks in, females are also apt to hop on a plane at a moment's notice."
Unfortunately, Mr. Hollins pointed out, the female's need for privacy, coupled with a rising hormone tide, can make life miserable for her male companion. While the Jolie-Pitts were in Paris, moving from luxury hotel suites to luxury apartments, Paris Match reported that Ms. Jolie had snarled angrily, bared her teeth, and lashed out at Mr. Pitt when he insisted on broaching the subject of marriage.
"The best thing Mr. Pitt can do is give her space," said Mr. Hollins. "Provision her chosen nesting spot with water, plenty of newspapers, and a whelping box and keep an eye on her from a distance."
Next Oprah: Looking Your Best on Delivery Day
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
