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Angelina Jolie Walks In on Brad Pitt, Takes the Kids
Apr 11, 2007, 08:32
"Dammit, Angie, I told you not to smoke in there."
NEW ORLEANS - Angelina Jolie continues to walk in on Brad Pitt when he's in the bathroom, and this habit is taking a toll on their relationship, friends of the couple report. The obvious emotional distance between Mr. Pitt and Ms. Jolie of late, as well as her recent weight loss, are down to her belief that people who brush together, flush together.
"Brad's a very private individual," said his younger brother, Doug. "Angelina doesn't always respect that need for privacy, nor does she seem to be able to understand that other people weren't raised in a house with no locks on the bathroom doors."
What's more, adds George Clooney, "since she comes home with another kid whenever she goes overseas, the can is the only place where Brad can get some peace and quiet and read his architecture magazines."
Doug Pitt admits that his brother "thought it was cute, maybe even a little daring" the first time he was taking a shower in his trailer on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Ms. Jolie popped in to have a whiz. Indeed, says Doug, that unannounced visit led to the couple's first date.
What is outre in the tender bloom of love, however, can become tedious when the tables are turned the morning after a few beers and two bowls of etouffee at Emeril Lagasse's.
Something is rotten in Denmark.
"I don't care who you're married to," said Mr. Clooney, "you don't want her and a bunch of kids perched on the edge of the bathtub making small talk while you're making noises like a flooded outboard motor. Whatever the hell it is she wanted to tell you can wait."
Ms. Jolie's brother, James Haven, defended his sister's behavior.
"Angie doesn't want her kids to think that just because Brad's been voted sexiest man in the world twice, his shit don't stink."
Brad Pitt, for his part, concedes she has made that point. He's been seen on several mornings recently leaving the house, an architecture magazine under his arm, heading for the local McDonald's.
Next Oprah: Bathroom Jokes and Conversation Starters
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
