Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
Don Imus Fundraiser Spotlights Presidential Pardon
Apr 12, 2007, 15:40
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Less than twenty-four hours after MSNBC had fired radio personality Don Imus for calling the Rutgers women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos," President Bush granted Mr. Imus an executive pardon.
The text of President Bush's pardon was read on the air by Mr. Imus at the conclusion of his fundraiser this morning.
"I know what it's like to have your every word parched for hidden addenda. I also know what it's like to make statements on the basis of faulty intelligence. We now realize in hindsight that the members of the Rutgers women's basketball team do not have nappy hair, and they don't look like hos either, but how was Mr. Imus to know that? I am, therefore, pardoning Mr. Imus. It is time for this nation to move on and to rededicate itself to victory against the real terrorists—the ones in Iraq, who kill way more Negroes than Mr. Imus' remarks ever did."
The timing of the pardon was unusual. Outgoing presidents generally issue pardons on their last day in office right before catching the helicopter out of Washington.
Some observers are speculating, therefore, that by acting early President Bush may be signaling his own resignation.
"Why else would the president pardon the only public figure whose popularity is lower than his?" asked CNN's Wolf Blitzer.
The president's pardon, like most of what he does these days, is largely symbolic and is not expected to have any impact on Mr. Imus' fate with CBS Corporation, which recently suspended him for two weeks to give itself time to come up with a good reason for firing him. Nevertheless, the Reverend Al Sharpton accused President Bush of pandering to Mr. Imus' "lily-whte" audience.
"Where are the pardons for Snoop Dogg and other rappers who call African American women 'hos' and worse?" asked the Reverend Sharpton. "Why are they left hanging in the wind while Mr. Imus goes free?"
Correction: Yesterday in our "Phrases that Pay" section we reported that Don Imus had once called journalist Gwen Iffel a "boner-nosed kike bastard" and Howard Kurtz "a fat-assed Aunt Jemima." Those comments, in fact, should have been reversed. We are sorry for any confusion this may have caused our readers.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
