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Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

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Tom Cruise' Placenta Eating Tips
Apr 18, 2006 - 10:19
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Fresh placenta tartare.
HOLLYWOOD - In a recent interview with GQ magazine Tom Cruise said he plans to eat his baby's placenta. When he was cautioned that placentas weigh approximately one sixth as much as the babies to whom they are attached, Mr. Cruise became combative.

"You don't know placentas," said Mr. Cruise. "I do. I've studied placentas. I know dozens of ways to prepare them. I know what wines go with them. What do you know?"

According to Mr. Cruise, the recipes for serving placenta of which he has firsthand knowledge range from placenta tartare to placenta meat loaf. Mr. Cruise said placenta "reminds him of veal, but with a springier texture like heart." The benefits of eating placenta, he said, include reduced hemorrhaging and a decrease in the likelihood of postpartum depression.

Placenta tartare, which preserves the greatest amount of the placenta's nutritional content, is prepared by mixing the following ingredients thoroughly: one pound of finely ground placenta, one teaspoon of brown mustard, one-half teaspoon of Tabasco sauce, one teaspoon each of Worcestershire sauce and brandy, one egg, a pinch of salt, and ground white pepper to taste.

Refrigerate half an hour to allow the flavors to blend, then serve as a spread on crackers or toast accompanied by any wine with a subtle red-meat aroma, such as a cabernet sauvignon or merlot.

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If the idea of eating raw placenta leaves you cold, said Mr. Cruise, there are numerous methods for cooking placenta. One of the simplest is placenta aglio, olio e peperoncino (placenta in garlic, olive oil, and pepper).

Gently blanch one pound of placenta that has been cut into one-quarter-inch-thick discs. After blanching the placenta for no more than thirty seconds, drain and set aside in a deep-heated serving dish.

Heat one cup of extra virgin olive oil in a pan. Add three to four cloves of crushed garlic and one hot chili pepper pod. When the garlic cloves begin to brown, discard them or they'll overwhelm the flavor of the placenta.

Pour the olive oil over the placenta. Sprinkle with black pepper and one teaspoon of chopped Italian parsley. Stir well and serve immediately with fresh-baked crusty Italian bread and a sweet white wine.

Mr. Cruise said his favorite placenta recipe is placenta meat loaf. Begin by chopping one onion and combining it with one teaspoon of black pepper and one sleeve of crushed saltines. Then combine one pound of ground placenta with the onion, pepper, and saltines. Add one teaspoon of bay leaves, one teaspoon each of white and black pepper, a clove of roasted and minced garlic, and one cup of chopped tomatoes. Mix well.

Place in a buttered loaf pan, cover, then bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for an hour and a half, occasionally pouring off excess blood. Serve with smoky wines such as Barolo or Barbaresco.

In addition to these recipes, Mr. Cruise mentioned others "that highlight the placenta's versatility." They included placenta smoothies and placenta jerky, retro-favorites like placenta Wellington and placenta under glass, and "that week night favorite," lasagne Placenta Helper.



Next Oprah: Emeril Legasse Cooks Placenta Creole Style


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Yesterday's Papers
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We have all heard the jokes about Henry 8 of England beheading his wives because he was looking for a little different head himself. If our knowledge of Hammerin' Hank stopped there, however, our lives would be the poorer. Henry the Swordsman and his wives, their families, lovers, ex-husbands, ladies in waiting, and ladies in heat (many of whom were the king's mistresses) constituted a cluster-fuck version of Camelot because they certainly came a lot.

1. Catherine of Aragon, the __________ (first, last, second-from-the-right) wife of Henry 8 was previously married to Henry's __________ (brother, son, agent).

2. Catherine claimed that her first marriage had never been __________ ("well and truly blessed," conducted in Latin, "well and truly consummated").

3. When Catherine and Henry 8 were betrothed, Henry was too young to __________ (marry; drive a carriage alone after dark; sit his O levels).

4. Some historians claim that Henry's second wife, Anne Boleyn, had __________ (a sixth finger, a third nipple, bleeding hemorrhoids).

5. The Rolling Stones song __________ ("Under My Thumb," "Bitch," "Brown Sugar") was written about Henry's fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves.

6. The only one of Henry's wives to be buried with him was __________ (Catherine Parr, Jane Seymour, neither of the above).

7. Henry 8 referred to Anne of Cleeves as __________ (a Flanders mare, one gassy old cow, a dyke in a blanket).

8. When Kathryn Howard, 19, married Henry, 49, she was __________ (no longer even pretending to be a virgin; sleeping with her stable boy and his cousin; dyslexic).

9. Henry, meanwhile, was losing __________ (his hair, mind, ability to maintain an erection).

10. Henry's last wife, Catherine Parr, was named after __________ (Henry's first wife; her father's favorite hunting dog, "Old Parr"; herself).

11. When Henry 8 died in 1547 at the age of fifty-five, he __________ (weighed 420 pounds; had lost all feeling in his left leg; couldn't remember the names of any of his wives).

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