Prince William, Kate Middleton Split Laid to Porn Maestro
Apr 21, 2007, 08:20
Friends say William is a water sports man.
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – Royal commentators from the UK are arguing over what may be evidence that the relationship between Prince William and Kate Middleton reached an impasse because of the future King's apparent obsession with '70s German porn-music legend, Klaus Harmony.
The news comes only months after Jessica Simpson's revelation that she ditched husband, Nick Lachey, following a viewing of Die Sins des Apostles, the Friedrich Wohlfäht movie, scored by Harmony, which depicts Christ's apostles in a decidedly mortal light.
The Royal scandal began when a friend of Middleton forwarded to London's Daily Mirror a series of text messages from William to Kate which suggested their trying some rather unorthodox sexual practices he had witnessed in The Ladies Man, Wohlfäht's 1977 masterpiece.
"It's difficult to estimate the damage this may do to the monarchy", John Gumbly of the Mirror told Reuters yesterday evening. "We are undoubtedly witnessing a decline in the credibility of the aristocracy: the inquest into Diana's death; Charles' marriage as a divorcee; Harry's appearance as a Nazi officer at a fancy dress party. These have been, to a degree, less surprising because of their more predictable nature. No one would have guessed in a million years that William might become obsessed with porn music. He's been the sane one up until now."
It is thought that the Queen was forced to write to William asking him to disband a group he had formed at Sandhurst, the military academy which Harry also attended, which played live sets of Klaus Harmony music, the future monarch heading the outfit on a Moog synthesizer, sporting a Zapata-style moustache and denim shirt.
Buckingham Palace declined to comment, adding only that any correspondence between the Queen and William is a "private matter".
Some, including Gumbly, have speculated that the Queen's response may have been informed by an unusual incident involving the appearance of Prince Philip at a pub in Crathie, Aberdeenshire, last Christmas, wearing a tee-shirt bearing the slogan, "Ron Jeremy Rocks".
At the time an ITN reporter tracked down a farmer who admitted to lending the Prince a change of clothes after a horse riding accident. John Gumbly, however, is not so convinced.
Diese sind nicht Gefährliche Brüste.
"Prince Philip is well known for his eccentric streak and there is nothing to suggest that he didn't have a hand in encouraging William in pursuing an interest in the music of Klaus Harmony", mused Gumbly with the hint of a smile.
"We know that Prince William visited Serbia last month and there happened to be a Klaus Harmony tribute night at a club in Novi Sad. We can't say for certain that he attended but equally, we can't know for sure that he didn't.
Britney Spears, a self-confessed convert to the work of Klaus Harmony, is thought to have written a letter of condolence to William following his split from Miss Middleton.
LA paparazzi are already gathering outside Spears' Malibu home in anticipation of a Royal visit.
"I dread to think", said Mr Gumbly, shaking his head.
