title of web site: postcards from the pug bus
 
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Your 420 Ganjascope

Presenting the astrological world's first Ganjascope, a timeless foretelling that reveals your past, present, and future at once. We take the logical out of astrological


The Fuck It List

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Ten Things You Should Fllip the Bird to Before You Die

  1. Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Facebook, Twitter, et al.
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Your Bucket List
  7. Classic Rock
  8. Bathing Regularly
  9. Stupid-ass Old Fart Hats
10. Going to Bed Early


The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery-smelling, dried-up, old-biddy English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-


Facebook This
facebook logoYou're still on Facebook, Skippy? Really? That sucks. All the cool kids are on Fumbler or InstaCram or AssBook. The only people left on Facebook are new mothers of both sexes, grandmothers of both sexes, and jerkwads looking to organize open-border rallies. You know who you are; so do we.
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Paris Hilton Exclusive Jail Sentence Interview
May 5, 2007 - 10:44
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LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.

The twenty-six-year-old celebutant, who showed up fifteen minutes late for her scheduled court appearance yesterday, has until June 5 to report to the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California.

After spending two hours in court, and hearing herself called "a helpless, wonky-eyed twit" by her own defense attorney, Ms. Hilton was driven to an undisclosed location where she spoke with Postcards' legal correspondent Biff Scuzzy, who had recently completed a thirty-day stint in a California detox center.



Biff Scuzzy: So, Paris, are you worried about the prospect of wearing nothing but orange for a month and a half?
Paris Hilton: Month and a half? I thought I was sentenced to forty-five days. I'm being prostituted just for being famous, aren't I?

BS: No, darling. A month and a half is the same as forty-five days.
PH: It is? How do you figure that? I never did get that metric stuff.

BS: Trust me. Now about the orange.
PH: What orange?

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BS: The orange jumpsuit.
PH: What jumpsuit?

BS: The one you have to wear all the time in jail.
PH: All the time? I never wear the same thing more than twice. How do they expect me to live like that?

BS: It's jail, darling. Not Club Ivy. You have to wear what they give you, and what they give you is an orange jumpsuit.
PH: You mean I don't get to take my own clothes? I was going to go shopping for some new summer things to take to, you know, wherever it is I'm going. Some nice two-piece outfits and three or four dozen summer dresses.

BS: Save your money, honey. The clothes are on the Hotel California.
PH: Oh. Bummer. I do look hot in orange though. I have a lot of orange in my closets. Bikinis, thongs, blouses.

BS: Are you worried about the way you'll be treated by the other inmates?
PH: What are inmates?

BS: The other people in jail.
PH: Oh no. I'm sure we'll all get along just fine. They can help me decorate my room. We can have sleepovers at night, and during the day we can go shopping online and get high colonics and stuff.

BS: Paris, I don't know how to break this to you, but jail doesn't provide high colonics.
PH: They don't? How do they stay healthy? What if I get a note from my doctor?

BS: No dice, sister. The only high colonic you might get will be from some diesel dyke wielding a bottle of Poland Springs water. I'd forget about having my own room, too, if I were you.
PH: I won't have my own room?

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BS: No. You'll have to share a cell with another woman.
PH: A cell phone? What other woman? My cell phone got hacked once, you know.

BS: A cell is a small enclosure about ten by twelve feet. That's where you live when you're not scrubbing dishes or mopping floors. The other woman is a person who has also been put in jail for breaking the law.
PH: Oh. Ten by twelve isn't very big. My sunglasses closets are bigger than that. Can't I pay for an upgrade or something? Hospitals have private rooms.

BS: Afraid not, sweetpea.
PH: Do I get to pick my roommate at least?

BS: (growing irritated) Nope.
PH: But what if I get somebody, you know, really gross, like that trailer-trash Britney Spears?

BS: You want to be careful about using terms like "trailer trash" in prison.
PH: Why? Are there, like, lots of poor people or something?

BS: More than you can shake a stick at—or that will be shaking sticks at you. There are also lots of people of color.
PH: That's OK. I get along well with all my maids and servants, and most of them are colored people.

BS: (exasperatedly) It's people of color, Paris, not colored people. You want to get that straight. It's important.
PH: Oh damn. That's a lot to have to learn just because nobody told me I couldn't drive with a suspended license. What am I gonna do?

BS: I'd suggest prayer, honey. Lots of prayer.
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Back by Unpopular Demand
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Read any two articles, get the third one free!

Norton Internet Security Won't Let Customers Uninstall

President-elect Trump Praises Pug Bus for Official English Policy

Pippa Middleton's Ass Not All It's Cracked Up to Be

The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the onions to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
What Would Neitzsche Do?
image of F. NeitzscheForget Jesus H. Christ. Who cares, besides Carson Wentz, what Jesus would do? To survive in a postmodern world, ask yourself what would Neitzsche do.
Contact Us and Win a Prize
image of a beat up, rusty old mailboxHey, Skippy. Here's your big chance. Let us know what you think or if you think. You know you want to. Go ahead. We dare you. We might even print your stinking letter. Send email to Pug Bus Editor. Send regular mail—and win a guaranteed prize worth as much as $1—to Postcards from the Pug Bus, 1379 Dilworthtown Xing, Suite 207, West Chester, PA 19382


Sites for Sore Eyes
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Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for near you?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

ExpressVPN--sturdy, impregnable fortress. It's the VPN service that we here at the Pug Bus use. Don't go digital shoplifting without it


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