Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
The chief obstacle to understanding the human brain is the human brain
"The peace and order of society is of more importance than even the relief of the miserable." Adam Smith
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
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image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Paris Hilton Begs President Bush for Pardon
        May 6, 2007 - 11:18
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LOS ANGELES - A desperate Paris Hilton has faxed a personal request to President George W. Bush, asking him to set aside her jail sentence "for the sake of all the poor, less fortunate people in our country."

The twenty-six-year-old celebrity was ordered by a Los Angeles judge on Friday to do forty-five days hard time after she had been convicted of violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.

"First, way to go on your selection to the presidency," wrote Ms. Hilton in a fax sent to the White House from the VIP room of The Ivy restaurant Friday evening. "I know the judges made the right decision in picking you. Even though I didn't get to see you perform, you must have been hot.

"Your presidency," Ms. Hilton continued, "people with our talents and abilities serve the country best by continuing to provide entertainment for people. What good would it do to lock me up for forty-five days when I could spend that time providing entertainment and employment opportunities to less fortunate people who have to work for a living?"

Ms. Hilton further argued that requiring her to report to jail with only a month's notice amounted to "rude and unusual" punishment.

"Although our paths have never met," said Ms. Hilton, "you don't look like the kind of guy who would snatch people up and send them to prison without hardly any notice. I have club appearances, shopping trips, and doctors appointments scheduled months in advance. Canceling them at this late date would be a heartship to the DJs, merchants, and all the other unfortunate working people who depend on me for a livinghood."

        Ms. Hilton closed by suggesting that instead of going to jail she "could do 'immunity' service, like making a hot video warning kids about the dangers of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases)." She also offered to send Mr. Bush a Simple Life T-shirt and a copy of her One Night in Paris video. Finally, she invited him to appear on Simple Life anytime he wanted to.

The president did not respond to voice and email messages left for him yesterday, but a source at the White House said there was "little chance" that Mr. Bush will pardon Ms. Hilton.

"First," said the source, "it would be a shot to the shorts of his conservative base—almost as bad as nominating Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court or not doing enough to hunt down illegal aliens. Second, Ms. Hilton's approval ratings are lower than the president's, so what would he gain by pardoning her—or Vice president Cheney for that matter?"

Conservative political analyst and former presidential candidate Pat Buchanan disagreed.

"Pardoning that bimbo, no matter how unpopular it might be, would provide a welcome distraction for the president," wrote Mr. Buchanan in an editorial that appeared on The American Conservative magazine website. "Sure, it might bring down a firestorm of criticism; but as long as people were debating the wisdom of this move, reports of continuing deaths in Iraq would be muscled off the front page."

Next Oprah: Did Paris Hilton Get a Light Sentence Because She's White?

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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