Home   Ass Hat Awards   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff   Contact
Your Almost Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
More Horoscopes
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
Cover of the book Postcards from the Pug Bus.The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
1 2
Free the Music
screw the riaaStrike a blow for freedom.
Download music today.
You can't beat the price.
Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
Humor Feed Banner
 
Eight Belles to Miss Preakness
May 7, 2008, 12:07
an image
Wanted by PETA:
Gabriel Saez
BALTIMORE, Md. - Now that I have your attention, let me say that the people who are attempting to spin the needless death of Eight Belles in the Kentucky Derby are bottom-feeding asswipes of the first order.

Not since Go for Wand was run into the ground by those who purported to love her and to have her best interests at heart has so much bilge water shot out the asses of so many in the service of such a cruel and unusual "sport."

Time and a chronic case of high blood pressure prevent me from citing all the blowhards who have been pontificating since Eight Belles went snap, crackle, and pop with that stuck-up jockey boy on her back, but one comment deserves notice:

"The horses run for their own pleasure."

an image
Which creature does not belong
in this picture?
As that old horse player Bill Clinton, who has ridden his share of nags in his time, might say, "Give me a break."

The only place where horses run for their own pleasure is in the wild, where the only thing you find perched on a horse's back is a predator. In the death-cage setting known as the race track, horses run for the pleasure of a worthless band of shitheels that includes but is not limited to owners, breeders, trainers, and them stuck-up jockey boys with the squeaky voices, tiny dicks, and bulimic figures.

Racing is animal abuse, folks, impure and simple; and the only responsible horsemen are the ones who quit.

Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.

top-of-page link  top of page  teensy, tiny image of stamped envelope  e-mail this article  teensy, tiny image of printer  printer friendly page

© The fine print: the editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously.

 
twitter icon for linking purposes
Follow the Pug Bus
or it will follow you home.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Joe Paterno image

Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.