Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Angelina Jolie to Replace Paul Wolfowitz at World Bank May 8, 2007 - 8:27
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Angelina Jolie has been tapped to replace Paul Wolfowitz as president of the World Bank. President Bush is expected to delay making the formal announcement until early next week, however, in order to give Mr. Wolfowitz time to gild his parachute, and Mr. Bush time to prepare for his Saturday Night Live appearance with Queen Elizabeth.
"President Bush has no other option but to replace Paul now that World Bank officials have concluded he breached the bank's dating code when he arranged a 'merit reward package' and promotion for his ladyfriend, Shaha Riza," said White House press secretary, Tony Snow, at an early morning press conference today.
When he was asked to explain the choice of Ms. Jolie, Mr. Snow replied, "President Bush believes that after Jim Wolfensohn and Paul Wolfowitz, it's time for the World Bank to be led by someone whose last name does not begin with the letters w,o,l,f."
In addition, said Mr. Snow, the World Bank's employee health and welfare officer has received numerous complaints about Mr. Wolfowitz's personal habits.
"There's a scene in Fahrenheit 9/11, I'm told, in which Paul spits on his comb before running it through his hair prior to a television appearance," said Mr. Snow. "Apparently that was not an isolated incident.
"Furthermore, Paul has a troubling habit of using a toothpick to clean his fingernails and then using it to clean his teeth; and one staffer with whom Paul is reputed to have had a personal relationship said he frequently asked female employees to clip his toenails for him."
Mr. Snow also hinted that Mr. Wolfowitz "has a tendency to talk the talk without walking the walk."
Although Mr. Snow would not elaborate on this statement, he may have been alluding to the fact that Mr. Wolfowitz, a uberhawk now, used student deferments to avoid military service in the Viet Nam then. Besides, he's supposed to be an advocate for helping poor nations out of poverty, yet he's never cradled, much less adopted, anyone from a Third World country.
Mr. Wolfowitz still contends he broke no rules at the World Bank, but a senior loan officer at the bank told Forbes magazine that Mr. Wolfowitz "will probably resign" in order to dodge a full-blown hearing, which "would reveal other breaches of banking etiquette," including the use of his World Bank credit card to rent movies for personal use from Blockbuster.
Next Oprah: Introducing the World Bank Zwanzaa Club
Our fearless editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the festering evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; his hatred of soccer moms; and a whole lot more!"
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.