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Your sex life is a shareware program about to expire. One-size-fits-all gloves don't come in your size. If dreams took human form, yours would be wearing toe tags. The planets, the traffic lights, even the local Girl Scout troop will line up against you. Have you insulted one of the mothers of the gods recently or what?
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.>
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Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.
Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths Oct 30, 2009 - 9:22
LONDON - A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached after a team of researchers had carefully recorded the causes of death of more than 300,000 men.
Among the subjects in Group P, which consisted solely of individuals diagnosed with prostate cancer, nearly 90 percent died from the disease. Among the individuals in Group N, which consisted solely of individuals who had not been diagnosed with prostate cancer, only two percent died from the disease.
According to Trevor Wellsley, MB BCHir, "These results confirm what we have long suspected: prostate cancer is the leading cause of death among men with prostate cancer."
Mr. Wellsley, the chief investigator in the study, reported that researchers had been stymied in the past by a small but statistically significant number of men who were discovered to have prostate cancer after they had died in automobile smashups, domestic disputes, or other life-ending events.
"This lead us to hypothesize that prostate cancer might not be, after all, a death sentence," said Mr. Wellsley. "We began to suspect there might be a link between prostate cancer and careless driving or, perhaps, between prostate cancer and domestic violence; but those avenues of investigation lead us up dead-end streets, as it were."
Mr. Wellsley said it was too early to speculate why two percent of the subjects in Group N, whose members had all been pronounced cancer-free, died from prostate cancer anyway.
"Off the top of my head," he observed, "those findings may indicate a particularly virulent form of the disease, or they might be the result of a statistical anomaly or the research team's unfamiliarity with the new Windows Vista operating system.
"There can be no doubt, however," he concluded, "that prostate cancer needs to be taken seriously by persons who have it."
In related news, a new study linking prostate cancer to multivitamin consumption has been criticized for failing to differentiate between men who take multivitamins orally and those who take them rectally.
We have all heard the jokes about Henry 8 of England beheading his wives because he was looking for a little different head himself. If our knowledge of Hammerin' Hank stopped there, however, our lives would be the poorer. Henry the Swordsman and his wives, their families, lovers, ex-husbands, ladies in waiting, and ladies in heat (many of whom were the king's mistresses) constituted a cluster-fuck version of Camelot because they certainly came a lot.
1. Catherine of Aragon, the __________ (first, last, second-from-the-right) wife of Henry 8 was previously married to Henry's __________ (brother, son, agent).
2. Catherine claimed that her first marriage had never been __________ ("well and truly blessed," conducted in Latin, "well and truly consummated").
3. When Catherine and Henry 8 were betrothed, Henry was too young to __________ (marry; drive a carriage alone after dark; sit his O levels).
4. Some historians claim that Henry's second wife, Anne Boleyn, had __________ (a sixth finger, a third nipple, bleeding hemorrhoids).
5. The Rolling Stones song __________ ("Under My Thumb," "Bitch," "Brown Sugar") was written about Henry's fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves.
6. The only one of Henry's wives to be buried with him was __________ (Catherine Parr, Jane Seymour, neither of the above).
7. Henry 8 referred to Anne of Cleeves as __________ (a Flanders mare, one gassy old cow, a dyke in a blanket).
8. When Kathryn Howard, 19, married Henry, 49, she was __________ (no longer even pretending to be a virgin; sleeping with her stable boy and his cousin; dyslexic).
9. Henry, meanwhile, was losing __________ (his hair, mind, ability to maintain an erection).
10. Henry's last wife, Catherine Parr, was named after __________ (Henry's first wife; her father's favorite hunting dog, "Old Parr"; herself).
11. When Henry 8 died in 1547 at the age of fifty-five, he __________ (weighed 420 pounds; had lost all feeling in his left leg; couldn't remember the names of any of his wives).