National Security Agency The Gang That Couldn't Spy Straight
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Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths Oct 30, 2009 - 9:22
LONDON - A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached after a team of researchers had carefully recorded the causes of death of more than 300,000 men.
Among the subjects in Group P, which consisted solely of individuals diagnosed with prostate cancer, nearly 90 percent died from the disease. Among the individuals in Group N, which consisted solely of individuals who had not been diagnosed with prostate cancer, only two percent died from the disease.
According to Trevor Wellsley, MB BCHir, "These results confirm what we have long suspected: prostate cancer is the leading cause of death among men with prostate cancer."
Mr. Wellsley, the chief investigator in the study, reported that researchers had been stymied in the past by a small but statistically significant number of men who were discovered to have prostate cancer after they had died in automobile smashups, domestic disputes, or other life-ending events.
"This lead us to hypothesize that prostate cancer might not be, after all, a death sentence," said Mr. Wellsley. "We began to suspect there might be a link between prostate cancer and careless driving or, perhaps, between prostate cancer and domestic violence; but those avenues of investigation lead us up dead-end streets, as it were."
Mr. Wellsley said it was too early to speculate why two percent of the subjects in Group N, whose members had all been pronounced cancer-free, died from prostate cancer anyway.
"Off the top of my head," he observed, "those findings may indicate a particularly virulent form of the disease, or they might be the result of a statistical anomaly or the research team's unfamiliarity with the new Windows Vista operating system.
"There can be no doubt, however," he concluded, "that prostate cancer needs to be taken seriously by persons who have it."
In related news, a new study linking prostate cancer to multivitamin consumption has been criticized for failing to differentiate between men who take multivitamins orally and those who take them rectally.
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Get your tin foil hats on, kids, the National Security Agency is coming with its mentaloscopy machine. Check the doors and windows, check under the bed, and check here often to find out which of your civil liberties these fools have buggered of late.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
Visit The Grammar Prick
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the stones to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Stuff happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Strike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.
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