Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
Prostate Cancer Seen As Major Cause of Prostate Cancer Deaths
Oct 30, 2009, 09:22
LONDON - A study has determined that men who are diagnosed with prostate cancer are nearly twenty-five times as likely to die from the disease as men who are prostate-cancer free. This conclusion was reached after a team of researchers had carefully recorded the causes of death of more than 300,000 men.
Among the subjects in Group P, which consisted solely of individuals diagnosed with prostate cancer, nearly 90 percent died from the disease. Among the individuals in Group N, which consisted solely of individuals who had not been diagnosed with prostate cancer, only two percent died from the disease.
According to Trevor Wellsley, MB BCHir, "These results confirm what we have long suspected: prostate cancer is the leading cause of death among men with prostate cancer."
Mr. Wellsley, the chief investigator in the study, reported that researchers had been stymied in the past by a small but statistically significant number of men who were discovered to have prostate cancer after they had died in automobile smashups, domestic disputes, or other life-ending events.
"This lead us to hypothesize that prostate cancer might not be, after all, a death sentence," said Mr. Wellsley. "We began to suspect there might be a link between prostate cancer and careless driving or, perhaps, between prostate cancer and domestic violence; but those avenues of investigation lead us up dead-end streets, as it were."
Mr. Wellsley said it was too early to speculate why two percent of the subjects in Group N, whose members had all been pronounced cancer-free, died from prostate cancer anyway.
"Off the top of my head," he observed, "those findings may indicate a particularly virulent form of the disease, or they might be the result of a statistical anomaly or the research team's unfamiliarity with the new Windows Vista operating system.
"There can be no doubt, however," he concluded, "that prostate cancer needs to be taken seriously by persons who have it."
In related news, a new study linking prostate cancer to multivitamin consumption has been criticized for failing to differentiate between men who take multivitamins orally and those who take them rectally.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
3. Seat Belts
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
10. Going to Bed Early.