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Keith Richards Praises Hair Club for Men at Pirates Premiere
May 21, 2007, 12:11
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ANAHEIM, Calif. - Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards showed up last night for the world premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, but all he wanted to talk about was the Hair Club for Men.

Each time he paused on the red carpet to ask directions to the theater, Mr. Richards spoke of the debt he owed to the hair club for restoring his self-confidence and rescuing his career.

"I was just another skinny-arse bloke on his way to being a slaphead," laughed Mr. Richards, "but then I joined the club, and it turned me life around."

Although reporters wanted to ask Mr. Richards how he had prepared for his role as Johnny Depp's father in Pirates of the Caribbean, the craggy faced star turned every question into a thirty-second spot for the hair club.

"More confidence, more experience, more romance, that's what the Hair Club for Men delivers," said Mr. Richards. "There was no way I was going to be one of those old farts with a clever comb-over or a stupid hat on me head."

Mr. Richards credited the hair club's non-surgical bio-matrix hair replacement system for his "youthful" new look.

"It's totally wash and wear, man," he cackled. "All I have to do in the morning is tie some fish hooks in me hair and I'm good to go."


Disclaimer: Neither Mr. Richards' hair nor his hairline has been retouched or altered in any way. Actual client is pictured.

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.