Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  Nicole Richie Splits from DJ Again, Another Book Is Blamed
        May 24, 2006 - 8:36
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HOLLYWOOD - Once again a book has come between author Nicole Richie and her ex-fiance Adam Goldstein. Ms. Richie, 24, and Mr. Goldstein, 33, were engaged in February last year; but he called it quits in December, one month after the publication of Ms. Richie's first novel, The Truth about Diamonds. Apparently Truth contained too much "truth" about Mr. Goldstein, a professional club DJ who goes by the name DJ AM.

According to friends of the couple, Mr. Goldstein was offended by Ms. Richie's archly satirical portrayal of DJ PM, a professional club DJ, in Diamonds.

"He seen too much of hisself in that character," said Kevin Federline, Britney Spears' partner in reproduction. "He didn't think it was no coincidence. Even their names was close."

The Truth about Diamonds is a roman a clef about a popular Hollywood socialite named Chloe Parker, the adopted daughter of a glamorous woman and her washed-up-music-star husband, whose career died of embarrassment after his wife found him with another woman and kicked his ass seven ways to Sunday.

        Chloe Parker does copious quantities of drugs, runs with a posse of wealthy brats, hangs at all the hottest clubs, and loses an alarming amount of weight. She also stars in a reality series with "a vapid, amoral, VD-ridden friend," who soon becomes Ms. Parker's enemy and starts pestering her with crank phone calls.

In addition, Ms. Parker is engaged to a "wannabe DJ with a double dose of WMD (White Man's Disease): He can't dance and he wishes he was black."

Ms. Richie depicted DJ PM as "a hanger on who wants to hang his cargo pants in some rich woman's closet." He pesters her to twist the arms of managers at the clubs she frequents until they agree to hire him in return for her continued presence at the clubs.

In the end of Diamonds he listens to a books-on-tape version of the novel and breaks their three-month engagement after hearing Chloe Parker skewer his taste in clothes, the music he plays, and even his manhood.

Despite Mr. Goldstein's profound resentment over the way he was portrayed in The Truth about Diamonds, he and Ms. Richie resumed dating early this year.

"Nicole showed him that stuff in the front of the book, and he bought it," said Mr. Federline.

        The stuff to which Mr. Federline referred was the standard disclaimer about "any resemblance between the characters in this novel and persons whose careers are living or dead is purely coincidental." That sealed the deal for Mr. Goldstein.

"Once Nicole told me it was just an accident that the character in her book said the same [stuff] to her that I did, I knew I still loved her," Mr. Goldstain told a friend.

All was green lights and blue skies between Mr. Goldstein and Ms. Richie until she began working on a follow-up to The Truth About Diamonds called More Truth About Diamonds. According to friends, Ms. Richie is writing the novel on her Blackberry. When Mr. Goldstein borrowed it to check his e-mail one day, he accidentally stumbled across a chapter in which Chloe Parker brags about convincing DJ PM that she wasn't really talking about him in her first book—when, in fact, she was.

The rest, as they say, is deja vu all over again.

In other news, Dutch police released a teenager whom witnesses claimed to have seen with long, deep scratches in his face shortly after Natalee Holloway had disappeared from the Dutch Caribbean island of Aruba. The teenager, identified only as Guido W., was the 315th suspect to be detained, questioned, and released in the Holloway case. Fox News is devoting round-the-clock coverage to this story.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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