You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Angelina Jolie Makes Brad Pitt Imitate Robert Redford
May 24, 2007, 08:20
The new deal.
CANNES - Ever since Angelina Jolie met Brad Pitt, she has been quietly suggesting that it's time for him to leave childish things behind. That advice, first applied to Jennifer Aniston and then to baseball caps worn backward, has now been extended to Mr. Pitt's hairstyle.
During the brief time that Mr. Pitt, 43, and Ms. Jolie, 31, have been together, his hair has staggered from Billy Idol blond to Maddox Jolie-Pitt Mohawk, but that lurching devolution appears to have ended this week at Cannes.
Mr. Pitt accompanied the Oscar-winning Ms. Jolie to Cannes to attend the premiere of her ultra-serious, small-budget film, A Mighty Heart—and to break out the slicked down, Robert-Redford-does-the-Great Gatsby look that Ms. Jolie is said to have engineered.
Although Ms. Jolie may find that 1920s throwback look—and perhaps Mr. Redford—dashing, at least one of Mr. Pitt's friends finds it laughable.
"Billy Idol called. He wants his look back." J. Aniston
"First she made him her bitch, now she wants to make him her Robert Redford," quipped Mr. Pitt's AHB, George Clooney, who stars with Mr. Pitt in Ocean's Thirteen, which also premieres at Cannes this week.
"The hoops that guy has to jump through just to get laid. I swear if that snatch-smacked fool calls me 'Old Sport' one more time, I'll punch his lights out; and if I see him in one more freakin' tennis sweater, I'm gonna rip it off and shove it up his ass."
In addition to subjecting him to some grief from his friends, Mr. Pitt's new look almost brought him serious grief at a Mighty Heart post-premiere party. When Mr.
The real deal.
Pitt imitated Mr. Gatsby-Redford's trademark move of leaning toward the woman to whom he was speaking across the table at dinner, he leaned too close to a candle, and the pomade in his hair began to smoke.
Correction: Yesterday in our Election 2008 coverage we reported that Rudi Giuliani had announced that if he wins the Republican nomination, he will choose Jack Bauer as his running mate. Mr. Giuliani actually said he would choose Kiefer Sutherland, as long as he agreed to dress as Jack Bauer during the campaign. We apologize to anyone stupid enough to have been misled by that mistake.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
