Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
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image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
        May 27, 2005 - 6:03
        WASHINGTON - President George W. Bush said yesterday he is confident the United States can avoid a bird flu Pandemic that could kill tens of thousands of Americans. Bush said he plans to ask Congress to use the Patriot Act to order all Asiatic restaurants to stop serving General Tso's chicken, Kung Pao Chicken, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Lemon Chicken, and Sesame Chicken until further notice.

By invoking the little-known None from Column A subsection of the Patriot Act, the president acknowledged the seriousness of the bird flu virus, currently spreading throughout Southeast Asia. The initial symptoms of the virus, which appear within forty-eight to seventy-two hours after eating contaminated chicken, include pecking madly at food, flapping both arms violently, and crowing in a loud, screeching voice. From there it's only a matter of hours until victims begin running around like chickens with their heads cut off before finally dropping to the ground dead with their legs sticking straight up in the air.

Vice Admiral Richard H. Carmona, M.D., F.A.C.S., H.M.F.I.C., the 17th surgeon general of the United States, warns that the Bird Flu virus is especially dangerous because it can be contracted not only from eating contaminated chicken but also from exchanging bodily fluids with an infected individual before that individual becomes symptomatic.

"Fortunately, there's little danger of contracting the virus from persons who are already symptomatic," Carmona said, "because only a pervert would find that sort of behavior attractive."

According to White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "Once the None from Column A edict goes into effect, any restaurant owner or employer caught preparing or serving General Tso's (or General Tsao's) chicken or any other Asian chicken-related dish can be imprisoned indefinitely at a secret location without legal representation, proper food, adequate shelter, or toilet paper for as long as the president shall deem fit. These measures, however, do not apply to owners of North Korean restaurants."

The president's declaration met with instant approval from America's poultry elite. Jim Bob Perdue, chairman of Perdue Poultry Farms, interrupted a theater vacation in Branson, Missouri, to speak with reporters.

"America is at war with terror," said Perdue from the steps of his Gulf Stream Sun Voyager with spacious slide out room. "Our citizens, like our soldiers, march on their stomachs; and those citizens can't march very far if they're bent over a toilet."

Although he praised Mr. Bush for not behaving "like Chicken Little" in a time of "grave national crisis," Perdue suggested he would like to see the poultry ban extended to include Peking Duck, Crispy Duck, and Duck L'orange.

In related news, shortly after President Bush's announcement, vandals threw a rock through the front window of the China Palace restaurant in Reading, Pennsylvania. Similar attacks were reported at the China Garden, China Empress, and China Delight restaurants in the surrounding area.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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