Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
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Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial May 28, 2005 - 11:10
ASPEN, Colo. - Johnny Depp will read selected passages from Hunter S. Thompson's 352-page suicide note at an invitation-only memorial service for the late author. In addition, Depp will fund the erection of a 150-foot tower from which Thompson's ashes will be scattered at the August 20 celebration to be held on Thompson's Woody Creek Farm near Aspen. Depp and Thompson became close friends when Depp portrayed Thompson in the movie version of the latter's book Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Thompson, who shot and killed himself on February 20, left behind a rambling, often profane suicide note, which Rolling Stone magazine in conjunction with St. Martin's Press will publish in book form this summer. The book was originally scheduled to appear in March, but it contained so many potentially libelous references that lawyers hired by Thompson's wife said they could not possibly clear the book for publication in so little time.
According to persons who have read a draft of the book, Thompson's suicide was prompted at least in part by the appearance of his phone number on the Internet after Paris Hilton's Sidekick had been hacked.
"That king-hell, soul-sucking, cellulite-brained sleazoid Paris Hilton has sucked me into the maw of her eyeball-frying power trip," wrote Thompson. "Now every two-bit geek of an editor I ever kept waiting up past his bedtime on a deadline is ringing me as if I'm the local Domino's Pizza just to give me one of the few remaining pieces of his or her mind."
The invasion of his treasured privacy wasn't the only thing that drove Thompson to despair. He apparently made—and lost—a large bet with Rush Limbaugh on the Super Bowl.
"I got suckered like a virgin on prom night with her first corsage," wrote Thompson. "No way I should have let that speech-slurring, OxyContin-popping rat bastard hornswoggle me into taking the Eagles without the points. How was I to know that [Eagles quarterback] Donovan McNabb would swallow his colon when the game was on the line? I've seen snitches trapped in the corner of a rest stop on a Hell's Angels' run with more composure than that guy."
McNabb, Limbaugh, and Hilton were only a few of the public figures and celebrities whom Thompson gunned down with bursts of Uzi-like prose. Even Rolling Stone editor, Jann Wenner, who had purchased the rights to Thompson's suicide note for $10 million some time ago, was withered in the crossfire.
"I hope you're happy, you pompous, vainglorious Nancy Boy twit," wrote Thompson. "I can tell your sorry, Mick Jagger-loving ass that I certainly will be glad not having to put up with your limp-wristed voice whining into my answering machine asking how I managed to spend $25 thousand in two days on room service. I ought to send you a bill for all the freakin' answering machines I shot on account of you."
Depp will read these passages—and/or others similar in tone and intent—before igniting the electronic fuse that will trigger a cannon containing Thompson's ashes. Jon Equis, the event producer working with Thompson's family on the memorial service, said the cannon will be perched on top of a tower 12 feet wide at the base, 8 feet wide at the top, and 150 feet in height. The structure will be designed to resemble Thompson's 'gonzo fist' emblem.
In other news, ESPN has secured exclusive rights to film the Hunter S.Thompspon memorial, which will be broadcast on a special edition of "Real Sports" with Bryant Gumble.
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The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.