You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Paul McCartney Tea Flavor Coming to Starbucks
Jun 1, 2007, 09:21
SEATTLE - Starbucks will introduce McTwee, a new flavor of camellia sinensis, commonly known as tea, as part of its upcoming International Paul McCartney Day celebrations on Tuesday June 5.
In addition to playing Mr. McCartney's new CD, Memory Almost Full, all day long at more then ten thousand Starbucks outlets in twenty-nine countries and territories around the world, the house that caffeine built will give away free samples of McTwee to everyone who purchases Mr. McCartney's CD and can name three songs that he has recorded since leaving Wings.
Described by one Starbucks insider as being "easy on the pallet, like a string section in a soft, romantic, acoustic-guitar-played-left-handed ballad," McTwee is a non-caffeinated, calorie-free, organic white tea that can be enjoyed "either warm or cold by people of all ages." It can also be smoked, which is how Mr. McCartney is said to enjoy it best, by persons desiring a more full-bodied reaction to its "hidden-track" undertones.
"Like all white teas, McTwee is elegant and lightweight at the same time and doesn't make any demands on the customer," said Venti Delachrome, a Starbucks marketing representative. "It has a wispy flavor redolent of blackberries, but without any trace of the more assertive strawberry fields flavor that overwhelms some white teas. Sir Paul is virtually addicted to it."
Starbucks certifies that McTwee is derived exclusively from tea bushes grown on the fifteen estates in the Cameron Highlands, Malaysia, and the dozens of other estates that Mr. McCartney owns around the world.
In related news, the Food Network announced that Chefs on the Run, a cooking program directed by Ridley Scott and featuring Paul McCartney—and, through the miracle of CGI, his dead wife Linda—preparing vegetarian recipes in fans' houses around the world, is set for a midsummer debut.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
