You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Paris Hilton Rocks the Court in Soft New Look
Jun 9, 2007, 09:48
A softer, more human Pais Hilton.
LOS ANGELES - Paris Hilton was back in court yesterday, rocking a new look that promises to be the rage in Hollywood and all points trendy quicker than you can say "Rachel Zoe."
Ms. Hilton, who has never been a truly hip couture icon despite all the money she spends on clothes, stunned the fashion world yesterday when she emerged from her Beverly Hills mansion styling a fabulous waif-cum-heroin-chic look for her perp walk to a waiting police car and another date with that mean Judge Sauer.
Left in the closet was the severely tailored business-dominatrix look Ms. Hilton had sported for her first trip to Judge Sauerpuss's den. For yesterday's verbal spanking Ms. Hilton selected a heartbreakingly simple, nubby gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants; and the frosting on the cake, ta-da, there wasn't any goddamn frosting. Word of truth, boys and girls, Paris Hilton went commando from the neck up for a change!!!
"I have never seen Paris looking so, so natural; I guess that's the word I'm looking for," gushed Vogue editor Anna Wintour, as much as she is capable of gushing. "Her porcelain-goddess look was so overdone. I think she was wise to use her vulnerability to such good advantage."
The eyes are the windows of the cell.
Bad boy designer Todd Oldham agreed.
"The distressed, Kate Moss look was brilliant. Girlfriend played that like a Margaret Keane painting. Whoever would have thought that appearing in public without makeup for the first time since she was three would make her appear so fetching?"
Rumors about Ms. Hilton's turn toward the natural began to leak out of the Century Regional Detention Facility during her first stay there earlier this week. According to fashion watchers on the inside, Ms. Hilton stopped brushing her hair, which gave it a beguilingly casual frizz; and, are you ready for this, she even stopped wearing her contact lenses, letting her eyes revert to their natural brown.
So just when it looked as if Paris Hilton's chief contribution to fashion would be making ankle bracelets de rigueur this summer, she's shown the world once again that even in the midst of adversity she still has the power to reinvent herself at will. That's why we'll always have Paris.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
