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Russell Crowe Tantrum a Publicity Stunt
Jun 10, 2005, 16:45
NEW YORK - Russell Crowe's tantrum in SoHo's Mercer Street Hotel was as carefully choreographed as the fight scenes in "Cinderella Man," the box-office disappointment that's got Crowe's knickers in a twist. Several eyewitnesses to the incident told police Crowe looked as if he was attempting to throw a phone against a wall, but the phone slipped out of his hand and struck the concierge in the face instead.
"It looked so lame, honey," said drag queen Velveeta Rose. "That sister throws like a girl. She makes Orlando Bloom look butch."
The "attack" occurred shortly after 4 a.m. in the Mercer Street Hotel lobby on Monday morning June 6. Police said that Crowe, who was staying in a $3,000-a-night suite, tried to phone home to his wife in Australia. After failing to get an outside line, Crowe went down to the lobby and got huffy with Nestor Estrada, 28, the concierge.
"It was a hoot, mon," said Robbie Burning-Spear, a Jamaican cab driver who had stopped into the Mercer to get high in the bathroom. "Neider a' dem dudes could unnerstan de udder talkin'. What baldyheads."
After calling Estrada a "freakin' sheila," Crowe, 41, went back to his room. Five minutes later he reappeared with the offending telephone, which he proceeded to throw in the general direction of Estrada, missing the wall and hitting the surprised concierge instead. While he was upstairs, Crowe had changed into a "Cinderella Man" bomber jacket and a pair of shades—as though he expected to have his picture taken shortly.
"Let me tell you, he looked so Jersey," said Rose. "That jacket would have looked silly on a groupie let alone the 'star' of the film. I can't imagine Bogie getting arrested in an 'African Queen' jacket, sweetheart."
When the police arrived, Crowe was polite and cooperative. After statements had been taken, he was handcuffed and transported to the First Precinct station house, where he took a nap until a court appearance at noon. Estrada, meanwhile, was taken to a local hospital. He was treated there and released.
According to one of Crowe's co-stars in "Cinderella Man," the Oscar-winning actor was "in a blue funk" over the movie's failure to land a knockout punch at the box office. Openly mocked by some critics as "another Ron Howard Hallmark production," "Cinderella Man" finished fourth in its initial weekend, behind "Madagascar," "Revenge of the Sith," and "The Longest Yard," all of which are cartoons in some form or other.
"Russell was especially irked about finishing behind an Adam Sandler movie," laughed the recently married co-star. "He just couldn't handle that."
That embarrassment is what caused Crowe to take matters into his own hands and to try to generate some publicity before the release of "Mr. & Mrs Smith," starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, today. The combination of Pitt and his mistress Jolie should easily trump the Crowe-Zellweger pairing.
Crowe allegedly tried to rekindle old romances with Meg Ryan and Courtney Love, early last weekend, but neither was willing to fly to New York to be photographed with him. Crowe also went drinking in several off-Broadway bars, hoping to run across the Verizon Guy, Paul Marcarelli, and pick a fight with him. Crowe even left an insulting message on Moby's voice mail.
At his high noon hearing, Crowe was charged with assault and possessing a weapon, the telephone. He was released on bail until September 14. Estrada, for his part, has insisted on pressing charges. If Crowe is convicted of the assault charge, he could face as many as seven years in prison.
In related news, producers for the "Late Night With Conan O'Brien" show, where Crowe is scheduled to appear tonight, have asked that a Plexiglas barrier be installed in front of O'Brien's desk.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
