postcards from the pug bus
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Welcome to the Alt-Middle's favorite satire site
She ain't roaring any more.
So how does felt experience arise out of non-sentient matter, anyway?
White Fragility: having a low threshold for high-decible music about 'hos
We don't need to defund the police, we need to de-criminalize any police action necessary for keeping public order
1 + 1 = 3 How's that for non-racist, non-patriarchal math, you twat?
Are we going too fast for mouth-breathing liberals?
The next time you hear somebody creepy crawling through your living room at 4:00 a.m., don't call the police, call BLM instead, oh wait, that's probably BLM in your living room already
What's the difference between a transvestite and a transgender? A transvestite has a sense of humor
Expect riots post election in November ... question is, will there be more rioting if Trump wins or if he loses
White privilege means always having to say you're sorry
Reparation: Taking money from people who never owned slaves . . . and giving it to peope who never were slaves
The Pug Bus supports BLM's demand to replace Andrew Jackson's image on the twenty-dollar bill with George Floyd's

image of a biblical dude painting BLM on his front door Gentle Reader, may our lintel proclaim that the Pug Bus has been the satirical friend of black people and the BLM movement since well before the former became the dominant race in the United States and the latter became this country's most fearsome political party.

Not once in our fifteen-year history have we hesitated to mock, insult, degrade, demean, or humiliate someone just because he was black. Hell, we even send up black people by refusing to uppercase the b in black.

Therefore, we loudly signal our support of black-themed satire and parody. We also present our bona fides in that regard: a bunch of the articles about black people that we have done in the past. More links coming soon ... Huzzah!
BLM Declares National White Chocolate Day Racist

Killer Kwanzaa App Suspected of Causing Computer Crashes

Black Lives Matter Calls for Boycott of White Avatars

BLM Threatens to Disrupt Giants-Lions Game This Sunday

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The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
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American Freedm Party
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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We surely don't. National Find a Rainbow Day? Fuck that, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else bothers to celebrate, visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.

Your Daily Horoscope
(Ramp Accessible)
Because you are highly possessive, adore your own company, and are inclined to mate for life, you begin a campaign to have self-sex marriages legalized. Your slogan, "Be part of the problem and part of the solution," is too clever by half, and your campaign comes to grief when you are caught making an unauthorized deposit at a sperm bank. More Horoscopes

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a dried-up, old-biddy Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive or if you dare misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This image
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

The Fuck It List
     image of a big thumb pointing down         image of a big thumb pointing down

Ten Things You Should Quit While Not Going Gently into That Good Night

  1. Organized Religion
  2. Voting
  3. Seat Belts
  4. Making Sure Your Zipper's Up
  5. Paying for Music and Movies
  6. Apologizing for Shit You Didn't Do
  7. Pissing Indoors All the Time
  8. Hauling Your Damn Grandkids Around
  9. Stupid-Ass, Dip-Shit, Old-Fart Hats
10. Bathing or Showering Regularly

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

Olsen Twins Nutrition Horoscope
Jun 13, 2006 - 5:47
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WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Lucky you, sharing a birthday with the Olsen twins. What could be better? If you want your life to be more like the Olsens'—and who wouldn't—you have two choices. You could declare your independence as Ashley did last year when she appeared on her first magazine cover without sister Mary-Kate, or if you don't have any photo shoots scheduled right now, you can go the Mary-Kate route and lose so much weight your friends hold an intervention for you at KFC.

But wait, that would be so 2004. Why don't you and your twin do what Mary-Kate and Ashley are doing this year—create a show about health and nutrition for young children. The show, called Sportee Kids, is aimed at four-to-
five-year-olds, who are roughly the same size, weight, and intelligence as the Olsens.

Gemini (5/21 - 6/21): If the enemy of your enemy is your friend, does that mean your friend's friend is your enemy? Or are you simply being paranoid? Don't make any decisions unless you begin getting calls from a foreign-sounding man who breathes heavily into the phone and identifies himself as Al Ninyo. Then let your imagination and your feet run wild.

Cancer (6/22 - 7/22): Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your ZIP code and DNA code will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on a crowd of strangers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like the Olsen twins.

Leo (7/23 - 8/22): The hairs on your arms become radio-sensitive after dark, and you begin to pick up the neighbors' phone calls. You decide to have a little fun with this talent by hooking a direct-cable-access to your wrist and broadcasting those calls over the Internet. A constitutional crisis erupts when a reporter recognizes the president's voice in an Olsen twins chat room.

Virgo (8/23 - 9/22): An unidentified friend nominates you for membership in DENSA, an honor society for people whose IQs are lower than the mean temperature in Belize on any given day. Your qualify for membership when you correctly identify the First Law of Thermodynamics as, "Thou shalt not cover thy neighborhood." FYI, the DENSA song is sung to the tune of the Oscar Mayer wiener commercial.

Libra (9/23 - 10/23): In your quest for peace of mind, remember this: it feels a lot like Lyme disease that's progressed to the brain. Does this mean you should stop wearing your headband to relieve the pressure? Good question. Fashion rules keep changing, but I certainly wouldn't recommend wearing it on formal occasions unless you live south of the Equator or in Arkansas.

Scorpio (10/24 - 11/21): When Pugnacious tossed the I Raisinettes, the two sectors on which the most pieces landed were "slams finger in refrigerator door" and "meets the person of his or her dreams." Pugnacious would give you a clearer forecast, but before he could gather the I Raisinettes and toss them again, the dog had eaten them.

Sagittarius (11/22 - 12/21): Your friends begin to suspect you're an incubus when they notice you're always the only person in photographs who has red eyes outdoors. Your chronic case of the flehmen reaction will do nothing to lessen their apprehension. Pray they never discover that one of the anagrams of incubus is cub in us.

Capricorn (12/22 - 1/19): General Failure has been trying to read your hard drive again. This will cause Fatal Error to reset the gigabyte definition on your computer from the correct 1,073,741,824 bytes to 1,073.741824 bytes. Consequently, you will no longer be able to download nude photos from the Olsen twins website or the sermons from

Aquarius (1/20 - 2/18): Your life is a closed book. One-size-fits-all clothing doesn't come in your size. A psychic tries to read your palm, but you're ticklish; she casts a spell on you because she thinks you're laughing at her mustache. Soon everything you eat will taste like macadamia nuts, the first sign of Don Ho syndrome.

Pisces (2/19 - 3/20): This will be your Elvis week. The world is your hound dog for the next seven days. No longer will you travel at the speed of dark. Wealth, success, adulation, and a jive DEA badge are yours just for opening your mouth. Unfortunately, at the end of the week you will develop a craving for strange food and prescription drugs.

Aries (3/21 - 4/19): No matter how embarrassed you are by keyboard plaque, do not attempt to remove it with lighter fluid. Applesauce is far more tasty and effective. Be sure to back up all your files and to close all applications before cleaning. Organic, free-range, chelated applesauce works best in northern climates. Little Debbie cream cakes work better in the South.

Taurus (4/20 - 5/20): Pugnacious sees a tarot card reader in your future. One who foretells the present. She informs you that presently you are in Cancun, where you have been chosen grand marshall of the Olsen twins birthday parade. Since you can't be in two places at once—only twins can do that—you won't have to pay her.
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© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a virtue-signalling, marching-band university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a stupid local news story from time to time.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
hillary's basket of deplorables
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; and more!"

The Pug Bus Quiz Challenge
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Rhetorical questions and a lot of rhetorical answers, too. Take home, no time limit, grade your own. More!"

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.

Sites for Sore Eyes
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Discordianism--the one religion to have if you're having more than one—or or if you're having none at all.

High Times--wanna know what Super Silver Haze is going for near you? Wanna wade your way through a growing shit heap of trendy, female-empowered, social warrior nonsense to find out?

Pirate Bay--indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop

Soulseek--no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free. To hell with those overpriced streaming services. As the Buddha says, "Stream your own shit, mother-fucker."

Spectrum Labs-need to pass a piss test?

Vaults of Erowid-before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort

ExpressVPN--sturdy, impregnable fortress. It's the VPN service that we here at the Pug Bus use. Don't go digital shoplifting without it.