You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Britney Spears Talks about Today Interview with Matt Lauer
Jun 20, 2006, 07:34
MALIBU - (Editor's note). For some time now Britney Spears has been sending what she calls "Letters of Troof" to DistressedJeans (DJ), her favorite blogger, fashionista, emerging novelist. In these candid, engaging letters, which are intended for publication, Ms. Spears tells her side of the story, a side that often differs from what the "false tabloids" are writing about her.
Previously, DJ had published "Letters of Troof" on her website More Conversations About Famous People, but since she is taking a sabbatical from this enterprise, she and Ms. Spears have graciously consented to our publish- ing those letters here.
To mah fans,
Hey y'all! I see'n on the news that my innerview with that Matt Lower on television aint going over so well. See, I guess its time fer me to set the record straight. Like Kevin always says, "Bebop shizzle biscuit wif gravy." I don't know what that means, but he tells me his [stuff] is crunk and its tight, so I guess he's got something there.
I did my own hair and makeup, I love short skirts and low cut shirts! And I like sure do like the applikashun of cosmetics. I like me some Bonnie Bell and Wet N'Wild. That's what I grew up on, that's what I's using to this day. I's country, y'all!
Jamie Lynne came over to help me pick my outfit and I says to her, "Jamie Lynne, I knows what to wear! I's gonna wear my short skirt and my low cut shirt because the pregnant body is beeyootifull."
And then my cousin Laura Lynne comes on over and she's all, "Let me do your makeup, Britbrit." And I tole her, I says, "Girl, I know how to do mah own! Like, Pul-eeze!" and then my ma, Lynne, comes over and I let her put the weave in mah hair and we agreed I looked just like my idol, Miss Goldie Hawn, with her long blonde hair. Sorta Goldie and a lil bit of Dolly Parton thrown in for what my ma calls "Good measure." Whatever!
Matt was real nice but I don't get his shoes without socks outfit! Like, hello? White trash! And those Lee jeans? Mah Kev says Sean Jean is the only way to go. The crotch on Matt's pants was way too high! Its supposed to go down to his knee's, y'all.
And then I couldn't help but cry when he started talk'n bout my Booboo. Nobody talks about my Booboo but me! Y'all, I couldn't take it no more. I was real nervous see, so I's had to chew my Double Hubba Bubba gum and try to relax. (I had to give up the Skoal, gosh dang!) Kev calls me an "Emoshunal mess." Right now 'cause all them hermones goin' thru my body or as Kev calls 'em, Whore-moans! He's so funny!
Y'all, I couldn't tell Matt but I's telling you right now, I think we's gonna hav gurl! Me and Jamie Lynne and my cousin Laura Lynne we all agree the baby should be named Brandi Lynne or Misti Lynne, I cannot decide!! Maybe even Earlene Lynne. I luv that name.
Kevin says he don't care. Something about signing checks? He is so simple! My mama calls him very simple minded. I think that means that he's like, really smart.
Y'all I gots to go. Mah little Boo is climbing into the dogs food—again! He just loves the dog kibble. I dont think its bad for him, right?
Stay tuned for another season of Chaotic and look outs for mah new bubble-gum-scented perfume! And mah new line of Pork Rinds called Brit's Piggy Chips! I's comin out with foodstuffs now 'cause I loves me some money!
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
