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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Oprah Winfrey Ruse Didn't Fool Hermes
Jun 24, 2005 - 8:32
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PARIS - Rumors about Oprah Winfrey's shoplifting habits resurfaced after the talk show host and her posse had been turned away from a Hermes shop in Paris last week. Winfrey and company arrived at the Hermes store roughly fifteen minutes after its 6:30 p.m. closing.

When Winfrey asked if she could nip in for a moment to pick up a gift for Tina Turner, she was refused. A Hermes clerk, not wanting to risk offending Winfrey, explained that her request could not be accommodated because "stores like ours have been having problems with North African gangs of late."

In reality, Hermes employees had been warned not to admit Winfrey, 51, if she showed up after hours and "tried to pull that I'm-having-dinner-with-Tina-Turner-and I-need-to-buy-her-a-watch routine."

"The security department at Neiman Marcus in Dallas warned us a year ago about Winfrey's shoplifting habits," said a Hermes spokesperson. "After she had visited the Dallas store last summer, claiming she wanted to buy a watch for Ms. Turner, employees reported several watches, necklaces, and scarves valued at hundreds of thousands of dollars had gone missing."

Harrod's of London discovered similar losses last December after Winfrey and a group of her friends had turned up twenty minutes after the store had closed, asking if Winfrey could dash in to pick up a watch for Tina Turner.

"We were reluctant to press charges because we had no proof," said Trevor Jones-Lloyd, deputy director of security at Harrods.

"Accusing someone of Ms. Winfrey's stature and ethnicity of criminal activity could cost far more than the value of jewelry and handbags she and her cohorts might steal. Besides, who would believe that a person of her means would risk her reputation to steal things she could easily afford to buy?"

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Oprah Winfrey is known for her hard-hitting interviews with the rich and fanous.
The explanation for such behavior is really quite simple, says A. William Williamson, Ed.D., a prominent Chicago-area psychologist: people who shoplift, even people as well-known as Oprah Winfrey and Winona Ryder, are trying to steal affection that they can't get any other way.

This judgement might seemingly apply to Ryder, whose popularity rivals that of cold sores these days, but Winfrey is lionized by all women and some men the world over. Nevertheless, says Williamson, it is instructive to note that Winfrey confines her shoplifting binges to summers and holidays, times when she is not recording her show and basking in the adulation of her studio audience.

"As long as Ms. Winfrey is filming, merchants are safe," said Williamson. "When she's left to her own devices, it's Katie bar the door."

Winfrey, meanwhile, claimed she had been denied special treatment at Hermes because she is black. Calling the incident her "Crash" moment—a reference to the film about the pervasiveness of racial prejudice against black talk show hosts—Winfrey said the refusal was "one of the most humiliating moments" of her life. She added that she planned to devote at least one program to the incident after her television show returns from hiatus in September.

In related news, a spokesperson for Tina Turner said yesterday that the singer could not recall having dinner with Winfrey during the last two years, must less accepting a stolen watch from her.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
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Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby

American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it