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Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.>
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The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.
JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother Jun 25, 2006 - 8:57
MARIETTA, Ga. - The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet's alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her attorney with instructions not to open it until after her death.
"As long as I was alive, I was determined to protect my daughter's name," wrote Mrs. Ramsey, "even if that meant being a suspect in her 'murder.' I always knew, however, that JonBenet would not have wanted the fear of being 'murdered' to prevent other little girls from entering beauty pageants. That is why I have decided to reveal the true cause of her death at this time. Besides, if I had come forward with the details of her suicide earlier, I might have had to return the trophies she had won, and that would have broken my heart."
According to Mrs. Ramsey, her daughter was distraught about gaining five pounds during the Thanksgiving-Christmas holidays, and she feared she would not be able to wear her Sally Starr costume in an upcoming pageant.
The day after Christmas 1996, JonBenet Ramsey, age six, was found dead in a wine cellar by her father, John Ramsey, in the family's house in Boulder, Colorado. A white rope, wrapped around her neck and one wrist, was tied to a stick; a heart was drawn in red ink on her left palm.
Mr. Ramsey told police he had removed duct tape from the child's mouth before carrying her body upstairs, compromising the crime scene the first of many times that day.
Eight hours before Mr. Ramsey discovered his daughter's body, his wife had found a ransom note on a staircase leading to the basement. The note, which has been called the War and Peace of ransom notes, demanded $118,000 for the safe return of JonBenet.
Although Patsy Ramsey told CNN in an exclusive interview on January 1, 1997, "There is a killer on the loose," police eventually came to suspect that she, her husband, and/or their son, Burke, then nine, was that killer.
Among the chief reasons for their suspicions were these: the ransom note was written on paper obtained from a tablet in the Ramsey house; the amount of the ransom demand, $118,000, equaled a Christmas bonus Mr. Ramsey had received recently; the handwriting on the ransom note was similar to Mrs. Ramsey's; there were no signs of forced entry to the house, nor were there footprints in the snow around the house.
For almost a decade a nation turned its lonely eyes to the JonBenet Ramsey "murder" case, yet after thousands of hours and millions of dollars and untold speculation, no indictments were ever handed down. Detectives are no closer to solving the case today than they were when it happened. It remains to be seen whether Mrs. Ramsey's letter and JonBenet's alleged suicide note will put paid to the matter or raise the stakes in the investigation.
We have all heard the jokes about Henry 8 of England beheading his wives because he was looking for a little different head himself. If our knowledge of Hammerin' Hank stopped there, however, our lives would be the poorer. Henry the Swordsman and his wives, their families, lovers, ex-husbands, ladies in waiting, and ladies in heat (many of whom were the king's mistresses) constituted a cluster-fuck version of Camelot because they certainly came a lot.
1. Catherine of Aragon, the __________ (first, last, second-from-the-right) wife of Henry 8 was previously married to Henry's __________ (brother, son, agent).
2. Catherine claimed that her first marriage had never been __________ ("well and truly blessed," conducted in Latin, "well and truly consummated").
3. When Catherine and Henry 8 were betrothed, Henry was too young to __________ (marry; drive a carriage alone after dark; sit his O levels).
4. Some historians claim that Henry's second wife, Anne Boleyn, had __________ (a sixth finger, a third nipple, bleeding hemorrhoids).
5. The Rolling Stones song __________ ("Under My Thumb," "Bitch," "Brown Sugar") was written about Henry's fourth wife, Anne of Cleeves.
6. The only one of Henry's wives to be buried with him was __________ (Catherine Parr, Jane Seymour, neither of the above).
7. Henry 8 referred to Anne of Cleeves as __________ (a Flanders mare, one gassy old cow, a dyke in a blanket).
8. When Kathryn Howard, 19, married Henry, 49, she was __________ (no longer even pretending to be a virgin; sleeping with her stable boy and his cousin; dyslexic).
9. Henry, meanwhile, was losing __________ (his hair, mind, ability to maintain an erection).
10. Henry's last wife, Catherine Parr, was named after __________ (Henry's first wife; her father's favorite hunting dog, "Old Parr"; herself).
11. When Henry 8 died in 1547 at the age of fifty-five, he __________ (weighed 420 pounds; had lost all feeling in his left leg; couldn't remember the names of any of his wives).