Home   Ass Hat Awards   Blog   Celebrities   Fashion   Lifestyle   Music   News   Politics   Religion   Sports   Technology   Our Staff  
Search This Site
Numbers That Wag the Dog
Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

Official Carly Fiorina
C-Bomb Counter™
The Donald was right: Who could vote for that mug? Imagine seeing that cowpie with eyes on the front page of your newspaper in the morning. The only thing worse would be seeing that cowpie with eyes in your bed in the morning. She's a two-bagger, for sure. She's also a devout foe of the word cunt, though she gives every appearance of being one.Indeed,a source close to the Fiorina campaign revealed recently that if old grumblemug gets elected, she'll make the use of that word in any public space a felony. Thus we feel obliged to introduce the Official Carly Fiorina C-Bomb Counter, which reports the number of times the C-Bomb has been used any place in America since you landed on this page. (Figures do not include uses by Donald Trump, who calls women cunts all the time.)

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1-  -2-

Humor Feed Banner

JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother
Jun 25, 2006 - 8:57
an image
MARIETTA, Ga. - The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet's alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her attorney with instructions not to open it until after her death.

"As long as I was alive, I was determined to protect my daughter's name," wrote Mrs. Ramsey, "even if that meant being a suspect in her 'murder.' I always knew, however, that JonBenet would not have wanted the fear of being 'murdered' to prevent other little girls from entering beauty pageants. That is why I have decided to reveal the true cause of her death at this time. Besides, if I had come forward with the details of her suicide earlier, I might have had to return the trophies she had won, and that would have broken my heart."

an image
According to Mrs. Ramsey, her daughter was distraught about gaining five pounds during the Thanksgiving-Christmas holidays, and she feared she would not be able to wear her Sally Starr costume in an upcoming pageant.

The day after Christmas 1996, JonBenet Ramsey, age six, was found dead in a wine cellar by her father, John Ramsey, in the family's house in Boulder, Colorado. A white rope, wrapped around her neck and one wrist, was tied to a stick; a heart was drawn in red ink on her left palm.

Mr. Ramsey told police he had removed duct tape from the child's mouth before carrying her body upstairs, compromising the crime scene the first of many times that day.

Eight hours before Mr. Ramsey discovered his daughter's body, his wife had found a ransom note on a staircase leading to the basement. The note, which has been called the War and Peace of ransom notes, demanded $118,000 for the safe return of JonBenet.

an image
Although Patsy Ramsey told CNN in an exclusive interview on January 1, 1997, "There is a killer on the loose," police eventually came to suspect that she, her husband, and/or their son, Burke, then nine, was that killer.

Among the chief reasons for their suspicions were these: the ransom note was written on paper obtained from a tablet in the Ramsey house; the amount of the ransom demand, $118,000, equaled a Christmas bonus Mr. Ramsey had received recently; the handwriting on the ransom note was similar to Mrs. Ramsey's; there were no signs of forced entry to the house, nor were there footprints in the snow around the house.

For almost a decade a nation turned its lonely eyes to the JonBenet Ramsey "murder" case, yet after thousands of hours and millions of dollars and untold speculation, no indictments were ever handed down. Detectives are no closer to solving the case today than they were when it happened. It remains to be seen whether Mrs. Ramsey's letter and JonBenet's alleged suicide note will put paid to the matter or raise the stakes in the investigation.

(Editor's note: for the latest information on this case, read Suspect in JonBenet Ramsey Murder Case Says It Was Suicide and JonBenet Ramsey Suspect Confesses to Natalee Holloway Murder.)

In other news, Phillies' pitcher Brett Myers said he was not trying to hit his wife intentionally on a Boston sidewalk last week; he was simply trying to brush her back from the curb.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


Follow the Pug Bus on Twitter
or we'll follow your ass home.

image of clapped out mailbox in Bumfuck, USAEmail us. Got a question, a comment, a pithy observation, or do you just want to tell us to fuck off and die. Here's your big chance, Skippy.

Back by Unpopular Demand

The Fuck It List

image of a big fucking thumb pointing down

Shit to Give Up Before You Die

☻Seat Belts
☻Paying for Music and Movies
☻Holiday Celebrations
☻Pissing Indoors All the Time
☻Paying Attention to Stop Signs
☻Going to Bed Before Midnight.
☻Standing for the fucking
      National Anthem at Sporting
☻Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknown There's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.

The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the stones to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a total dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed on a roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby American Atheists
High Times
Pirate Bay
Spectrum Labs
Vaults of Erowid