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Numbers Don't Lie
Blacks as % of University of Missouri Student Body . . . 7
Source: Mizzou Diversity

Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Muslims as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.1
Source: Muslim Population

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive. Visit The Grammar Prick

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

Free the Music
wipe out the riaa printed ona roll of toilet paperStrike a blow for freedom. Download music on the down low today. You can't beat the price. Get the skinny at Zeropaid.

Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive readers who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother
Jun 25, 2006 - 8:57
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MARIETTA, Ga. - The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet's alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her attorney with instructions not to open it until after her death.

"As long as I was alive, I was determined to protect my daughter's name," wrote Mrs. Ramsey, "even if that meant being a suspect in her 'murder.' I always knew, however, that JonBenet would not have wanted the fear of being 'murdered' to prevent other little girls from entering beauty pageants. That is why I have decided to reveal the true cause of her death at this time. Besides, if I had come forward with the details of her suicide earlier, I might have had to return the trophies she had won, and that would have broken my heart."

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According to Mrs. Ramsey, her daughter was distraught about gaining five pounds during the Thanksgiving-Christmas holidays, and she feared she would not be able to wear her Sally Starr costume in an upcoming pageant.

The day after Christmas 1996, JonBenet Ramsey, age six, was found dead in a wine cellar by her father, John Ramsey, in the family's house in Boulder, Colorado. A white rope, wrapped around her neck and one wrist, was tied to a stick; a heart was drawn in red ink on her left palm.

Mr. Ramsey told police he had removed duct tape from the child's mouth before carrying her body upstairs, compromising the crime scene the first of many times that day.

Eight hours before Mr. Ramsey discovered his daughter's body, his wife had found a ransom note on a staircase leading to the basement. The note, which has been called the War and Peace of ransom notes, demanded $118,000 for the safe return of JonBenet.

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Although Patsy Ramsey told CNN in an exclusive interview on January 1, 1997, "There is a killer on the loose," police eventually came to suspect that she, her husband, and/or their son, Burke, then nine, was that killer.

Among the chief reasons for their suspicions were these: the ransom note was written on paper obtained from a tablet in the Ramsey house; the amount of the ransom demand, $118,000, equaled a Christmas bonus Mr. Ramsey had received recently; the handwriting on the ransom note was similar to Mrs. Ramsey's; there were no signs of forced entry to the house, nor were there footprints in the snow around the house.

For almost a decade a nation turned its lonely eyes to the JonBenet Ramsey "murder" case, yet after thousands of hours and millions of dollars and untold speculation, no indictments were ever handed down. Detectives are no closer to solving the case today than they were when it happened. It remains to be seen whether Mrs. Ramsey's letter and JonBenet's alleged suicide note will put paid to the matter or raise the stakes in the investigation.

(Editor's note: for the latest information on this case, read Suspect in JonBenet Ramsey Murder Case Says It Was Suicide and JonBenet Ramsey Suspect Confesses to Natalee Holloway Murder.)

In other news, Phillies' pitcher Brett Myers said he was not trying to hit his wife intentionally on a Boston sidewalk last week; he was simply trying to brush her back from the curb.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.

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The Fuck It List
image of a sons of anarchy emblem on a motorcycle jacket
Shit to Give Up Before You Die
♠ Religion
♠ Voting
♠ Seat Belts
♠ Paying for Music and Movies
♠ Sending Holiday Cards
♠ Funerals
♠ Pissing Indoors All the Time
♠ Paying Attention to Stop Signs
♠ Going to Bed Before Midnight
♠ Standing for the National
      Anthem At Sporting Events
♠ Not Parking in Handicapped
      Parking Spaces

There's a Saint for That
image of a saint, name unknownThere's a saint for that, whatever "that" might be. Just click where it hurts you to find out which board-certified saint to call. Breast Implants, burn marks from the grill,, hemorrhoids, and more.
The Pug Bus Interview
phil maggitti smoking a joint, isn't that shocking now?Smoke 'em if you got 'em, then enjoy the interviews nobody else has the balls to do. We're not just blowing smoke. Our fearless interviewer isn't afraid to stop totally at the surface.Read on.
Shortcuts to Good Karma
yin-yang symbolShit happens, but good karma is no accident. You can appear worthy even when you're being a dick if you learn to avoid the mistakes that others have made.Read on.
Sites for Sore Eyes
image of tj eckleburg's eyes from the great gatsby

American Atheists—we've even got our own television station now; great source for material pertaining to the war against Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus H. Christ himself
GNAA—the "G" stands for "Gay," you're on your own with the rest
High Times—wanna know what Super Silver Haze is selling for?
Pirate Bay—indefatigible, unsinkable, and attitude out the ass; still the one-stop shoplifting stop
SHUN Magazine—The Journal of Contemporary Shame Culture, (Full Fucking Disclosure: I, Phil Maggitti, your editor in briefs at the Pug Bus, have recently begun contributing under an assumed name to this slap in the pubes to everything that's worth shaming about the American dystopia)
Soulseek—no spoofs, no lurkers, just good clean music files for free
Spectrum Labs—need to pass a piss test?
Vaults of Erowid—before you drop it, chop it, snort it, or vape it, consult the druggie's bible; your brain with thank you for the effort
BTGuard—great VPN service, it's the one that we here at the Pug Bus use, don't go digital shoplifting on your computer without it