Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
Charlotte Church Sobriety Checklist Jun 26, 2005 - 6:25
CARDIFF - Charlotte Church, Wales' answer to Courtney Love, earned $27 million as a child prodigy singing operatic and classical tunes. Since getting her hands on that money when she turned eighteen last year, Church has spent roughly half of it on booze. The Voice of an Angel singer has been a fixture at clubs—a fixture that often wobbles, crashes into tables, and shouts obscenities for no apparent reason.
"In an average night out on the lash, I can sink 'em," Church told Heat magazine proudly. "I usually tune up at home with a Cheeky Vimto—a port-and-vodka combination. Then I hit the clubs. I down ten double vodkas before calling it a night. By then I'm pretty trashed."
Church also confided that she doesn't like alcohol and only drinks "to get pissed and dance like a crazy woman."
Reporters who have seen Church out on the lash marvel at her capacity for drink. They also marvel at her antics, which become more newsworthy the more vodka she consumes. One veteran reporter for The Sun who has seen Church in her cups more times than he can count, put together the following sobriety checklist for his colleagues' amusement. The numbers refer to the number of double vodkas Church has downed.
1 - nips into ladies room, removes bra, splashes water on her top, then returns to the dance floor
2 - while dancing with a drink in one hand, pulls her top down with the other
3 - sings her new single, "Crazy Chick," gets some of the words wrong, replaces others with vulgarities
4 - falls while trying to climb onto a table to dance, breaks several glasses, lies on floor laughing hysterically
5 - buys a round for the entire bar, can't find wallet, calls the bartender a sheep shagger after he rings for manager
6 - attempts to give lap dance to stranger, belches loudly during attempt
7 - sees ex-boyfriend on dance floor, punches him in the face
8 - after trying unsuccessfully to stand, crawls across pub floor barking like a dog
9 - gets into bitch fight with ex-boyfriend outside her flat, insults policemen who arrive to quell disturbance
10 - inside flat takes nude photo with cell phone and tries to e-mail photo to current boyfriend, sends photo to The Sun by mistake
In other news, two of the four Channel 4 employees who squirted Tom Cruise with water at the "War of the Worlds" premier in London last week have met with mysterious accidents.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.