Postcards from the Pug Bus                
   
   

postcards from the pug bus

  
lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
STAFF PICKS
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Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
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Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.
 
 

Your Virtual GanjaScope
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A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.


The Grammar Prick
 
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.


There's a Saint for That
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There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.



      
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two lions having it off
      
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
      
American Freedm Party
      
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subliminal Coca-Cola advert
             
image of worldwide web on computer screen
     
image of bicyclist
  
image of handicapped parking sticker
      
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
      
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
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Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.


              
The Pug Bus Blogs On
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Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
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Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
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West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.


Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
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No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."



Postcards the Book
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The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-




You Can't Photoshop This
 

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."

 

The Pug Bus Interview
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Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


 
   

image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

 
 
  Paris Hilton Finds God in Jail, Starts Her Own Hotline
        Jun 26, 2007 - 8:25
       
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LOS ANGELES - Like many prisoners with time on their hands, Paris Hilton found god in jail. Ms. Hilton, 26, made the lord's acquaintance in the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California, where she served most of a twenty-three day sentence for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license.

Ms. Hilton left the detention center at 12:15 this morning, looking as radiant as a virgin bride embarking on her honeymoon. She blew kisses to a waiting throng of fans and reporters, then was driven to a secret location where she spoke to THEM Weekly's religion editor, Biff Scuzzy, about her recent discovery of god.



Biff Scuzzy: What's the most important thing you learned during your stay in jail?
Paris Hilton: I learned so much about myself, about my life, and about god, who loves me for who I am, that I hardly know where to start. I guess the most important thing I learned is that I don't like orange as much as I thought I did. After three days in that orange prison jump suit, I was ready to scream, so they sent me home, but the judge got mad about that.

BS: Is that why Sheriff Baca tried to send you home early, because you didn't like your jumpsuit?
PH: Yep. I was busting out in hives and almost having a nervous breakdown. I had never worn the same thing for three days in a row in my life. It was freaking me out.

BS: I believe you mentioned something about god?
PH: I had gone to the trouble of shopping for some new summer things to take to jail—some cool two-piece outfits and three or four dozen summer dresses.

BS: Uh, about the god thing?
PH: Jesus loves me, Biff. He really loves me. Isn't that neat? And not just because I'm rich and I'm hot. He would love me even if I wasn't rich and hot, thought I don't know why anybody wouldn't want to be rich or hot. Or why god would want to love people who aren't rich or hot.

BS: When did you first discover that Jesus loves you?
PH: Right after I was returned to jail and they got my meds adjusted. I had this awesome dream where I was in this club and everybody left to go to another club, but I couldn't get out of my seat. I started to call for my mother and to scream, "This isn't right," when a beautiful man appeared at my table. From the way he was dressed I thought I had died and gone to a costume party, but then he told me who he was and that he loved me. I talk to him all the time now.

       
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BS: And does he talk to you?
PH: Oh yes. He's the one who told me I was too old to be acting dumb any more. He said it was time to let people see what a good person I am and how intelligent I can be.

BS: How do you plan to do that?
PH: I'm going to do good works like Mother Teresa did. Have you heard of Mother Teresa?

BS: Yes. She and I go back a long way. I knew her when she was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu.
PH: Who?

BS: "Agnes" was her maiden name.
PH: Oh. I didn't know she was married.

BS: Just joking, Paris. If you're going to be like Mother Teresa, does that mean you're going to live among the poor.
PH: I would, gladly, but that's not part of god's plan for me. He wants me to use my celebrity and my good looks to help the poor, so I'm going to start a Paris Hilton Hotline.

BS: A hotline? How the hell's that going to help the poor?
PH: Please don't swear, Biff. It hurts god's ears.

BS: Sorry, big guy. But about that hotline . . .
PH: The press always says the meanest things about me, you know. If I trip coming out of a club, they say I'm drunk again. If I have an accident in a cab, they say I've been drinking. That's why god wants me to start a hotline.

BS: You lost me in the cab.
PH: God told me to start a hotline to counteract the bad things written about me, so if my fans read on the Internet that I've passed out in a parking lot, they can call the hotline to get my side of the story. The calls to the hotline only cost a dollar a minute, and half of that will go to charities. I'll even pay for the overhead out of my half.

BS: That's mighty generous of you.
PH: Thank you, Biff, but it's nothing really. God told me that when you already have all the money you could possibly need, you ought to give away some of any extra money that you get. Say, do you have any more questions about me and poor people and stuff?

BS: I do. Why?
PH: I've got to get some sleep now so I'll look good on Larry King tomorrow night. He thinks he's the first person who's going to be interviewing me. Perhaps you could call my hotline with the rest of your questions? Just dial 1-888-THE-HILT. God bless you and all your readers, Biff.
   

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