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Britney Spears to Write Children's Book [Update]
Jul 21, 2006, 08:14
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MALIBU - Despite the demands of motherhood, Britney Spears still intends to finish a children's book this year; after that she plans to write one. An editor at Hyperion Books for Children in New York confirmed that Ms. Spears book will tell the story of S.P., a baby who acquires magical powers after being dropped on his head by his evil nanny.

Rumors began circulating more than a year ago that Ms. Spears was having pregnant thoughts.

"Britney Learning to Write" screamed the cover of US Weekly over a photo that showed Ms. Spears with a copy of How to Write a Best-Selling Children's Book under her arm asking directions to the checkout counter in an L.A. Borders.

Ms. Spears denied the story, claiming she had bought the book "for a friend," but the following week Star magazine printed a picture of Ms. Spears leaving a Staples office supply store with several reams of computer paper. Then Choc, an Italian publication, paid $250,000 for a titillating shot of Ms. Spears sitting on the balcony outside her suite at the posh Le Merigot Hotel in Santa Monica wearing nothing but a laptop computer.

According to Leon Gonzales, Ms. Spears' recently fired Kabbalah coach, she originally wanted to write her autobiography, "but she was intimidated by vocabulary. Britney's too much of an artist, though, to have somebody ghost write a book for her. That would be almost as bad as lip synching. So she decided to write a children's book because she already knows a lot of two-syllable words."

In other news, former child star Haley Joel Osment, 18, stunned the world when he was involved in an accident while driving an eleven-year-old car.

Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.

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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.