You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Instant Karma Author to Appear at Philadelphia Rally
Jul 23, 2007, 12:16
Sri Edward Boghaven
PHILADELPHIA - Sri Edward Boghaven, author of Instant Karma: How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick, will address twenty thousand of his followers tonight at a rally scheduled to begin at 7:30 in Philadelphia's Wachovia Center.
Sri Boghaven, who turns the accepted notion of karma on its head and shakes the money out of its pockets just for laughs, kicks off a nineteen-city arena tour in Philadelphia just as his controversial book has emerged at the top of the The New York Times self-help list.
Sri Boghaven's approach to karma is markedly different from the traditional what-goes-around-comes-around philosophy.
"Most people don't know much about karma,' he said cheerily in his suite at the Four Seasons hotel. "Contrary to popular belief, and to the creators of crap television shows like My Name Is Earl, karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don't come back as a port-o-potty in the next life.
"The Buddha, who preached the doctrine of karma, slipped out of his house in the middle of the night at the age of twenty-nine, deserting his wife and infant son, to go off on some dipshit quest for enlightenment. Nevertheless, he still managed to get his sorry ass revered as a holy man and to live to the age of eighty. So much for the theory of payback. If there was such a thing as payback, the Buddha would have been reborn as a polyp in George Bush's colon."
The core of Sri Boghaven's philosophy is contained in "There Is a U in Karma," chapter three of How to Appear Worthy Even When You're Being a Total Dick.
"In order to make good karma work for you, do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you," writes Sri Boghaven, "and contrive to have others do unto you without your always having to do unto them. Love yourself as you would have your neighbors love you. After all, if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?"
Giving advice like that, it's no wonder that Sri Boghaven will address enthusiastic crowds as he travels across the United States.
"The tour is a sell out, and so am I," laughed one commodities trader in Philadelphia. "There's nothing wrong with selling out as long as you don't sell yourself short."
In related news, local favorites Marah will open for Sri Boghaven on the Philadelphia leg of his tour.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
