Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Jeremy Piven Is Bank Teller's Inspiration
Jul 25, 2005, 14:45
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Jeremy Piven, who has played sidekicks and eccentrics in more than three dozen films during the last nineteen years, is local bank teller Richard Dean's inspiration.
Dean, 22, is a teller at First National Bank of West Chester. When he was interviewed for the current edition of the bank's monthly newsletter, "First National News," Dean told the lifestyle editor that he owes his job satisfaction to Piven's influence.
"A lot of people want to be the star of the movie," said Dean, who wears his hair short like Piven, "but watching Jeremy play the star's buddy in film after film made me realize there's a place in the world for people who want the safety of a supporting role."
According to Dean, he became aware of Jeremy Piven about six years ago.
"That was back in high school," said Dean. "I was watching a lot of cable TV in my parents' basement at the time. I kept seeing this same guy in all these movies: Grosse Pointe Blank, Very Bad Things, Phoenix, Judgment Night, a television movie about Don King, lots of stuff. He was never the star, but he didn't have too many lines to learn; and if the movie tanked, nobody blamed him. That looked like a sweet gig to me."
Dean admits that before he discovered Jeremy Piven, he didn't have much direction. He figured he'd put in an application "at Kmart or something," yet after seeing the "awesome job" Piven did as John Cusack's best friend in Serendipity, Dean was inspired.
"I decided to study bookkeeping at a local community college," said Dean. "They accept everybody, so I didn't have any trouble getting in; and the course work wasn't too strenuous, so I didn't have any trouble getting a degree."
In addition to studying bookkeeping, Dean continued to follow Jeremy Piven's career, which included small but noteworthy turns in 2001's Rush Hour 2 and 2002's Highway, followed by supporting roles in 2003's Scary Movie 3, Old School, and Runaway Jury. The more Dean watched Piven, the more Dean began to resemble his idol. He even adopted Piven's wiseacre persona.
Leave nothing but handshakes, take nothing but pictures.
"Richard's got a great sense of humor," said fellow teller Cindi Newkirk. "He keeps everyone in the employees lounge in stitches, and he manages to blend in no matter what the setting."
What's more, like many of the characters Jeremy Piven plays, Dean doesn't mind if other guys get the promotions and the really hot girls. He says he's happy being a teller and has no plans to apply for the head teller's slot if it becomes available. He also claims he doesn't mind that his best friend from high school, with whom Dean "still hangs out," makes more money than he does, is better looking, and drives a BMW Z4.
"He attracts a lot of chicks," said Dean, "but they can't all go home with him, and I don't mind getting the spillage. There's always somebody happy to be with a clean-cut guy who can make her laugh."
When the August edition of "First National News" is published on July 26, Richard Dean won't be at work to see it. July 26 is Jeremy Piven's birthday, and Dean observes the occasion each year by taking a personal day so he can watch Piven movies. This year he plans to review episodes of "Entourage," the current HBO series in which Piven plays superagent Ari Gold.
Dean allowed that the Emmy nomination Piven earned for his work in "Entourage" is troublesome, however.
"It just wouldn't be the same if Jeremy began starring in motion pictures," Dean said. "He tried that in (1997's) Just Write, and he didn't seem as comfortable."
Asked what he would do if Piven became an A-list actor, Dean was at a loss for words. Eventually he replied, "Start renting Owen Wilson movies," I guess.
In other news, Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis has called off his engagement to hotel heiress Paris Hilton because he fears the confusion that will result if she takes his last name after they get married.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
2. Voting
3. Seat Belts
4. Facebook
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
9. Hats
10. Going to Bed Early.
Having trouble timing the waves these days? After you've leapt nimbly onto your board, does the big one slam you to the ocean floor every damn time? Chill out, surfer person. It isn't Alzheimer's. Or Lyme disease. Or AADD. You forgot to set your clock ahead in April. When the big hand's on the little hand, sing a Beach Boys song. Most of them couldn't surf either.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
