Postcards from the Pug Bus                

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004
Reparations? Isn't that just a fancy word
for "welfare handouts"
an excuse for taking money from people
who never owned slaves
and giving it to people
who never were slaves?
Elizabeth Warren loves to tell business owners,
"You didn't build that."
We say to reparations queens,
"You didn't earn that."
four dogs in a row having sex from behind...
Whether you do it doggie style or scissors, sister, we've got suggestions for what to read when you're having a cigarette or a blunt afterward ...

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The Book of Daze℠
image of an old-fashion pinup calendar
Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . .  The Book of Daze℠.

Your Virtual GanjaScope
an image of a man smoking pot
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.

The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.

There's a Saint for That
patron saints for hire image
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.

image of iconic screaming person
two lions having it off
The Who shortly after pissing on a tall wall
American Freedm Party
burma shave sign with jingle
subliminal Coca-Cola advert
image of worldwide web on computer screen
image of bicyclist
image of handicapped parking sticker
man on his knees fucking a tail pipe
fly agaric mushroom

Here's to a Brighter Day
banner of brights organization
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.

The Pug Bus Blogs On
seven pugs looking out the back of a Dodge Caravan whose hatch is raised
Our editor in briefs holds forth on why he doesn't want to be called a white person; the evil that is Mick Jagger; the rise of the alt-middle; and more!"

Yesterdays' Papers
image of a bunch of newspapers
Read any two of these classic articles from May 2005 and get the third one for free. Pay only for shipping and handling. Offer good while supplies last.

US Prepared for Flu Pandemic Says Bush
A case of deja vu in reverse or what?

Johnny Depp to Read at Hunter S. Thompson Memorial
Johnny wore a wife-beater then he became one.

Mena Suvari Seeks Separation from Mira Sorvino
So who'd you rather . . . or rather not.

Local News
West Chester University Golden Ram  image
West Chester, PA, is home to a public-embarrassment Jackass has-been; a woke university; and the goddamn QVC shopping headquarters. That should be good for a mean-spirited, condescending local news story from time to time.

Pug Bus Quizzes 'n' Polls
road sign with many directions
No rhetorical questions allowed. No penalties for guessing wrong. Find out just how much you do know about Schrödinger’s cat and other neat shit."

Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website was written by someone who was actually raised by pugs. Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.

Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

You Can't Photoshop This

Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."


The Pug Bus Interview
image of phil maggitti, the pug bus editor
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.


image of a gun Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.

  President Bush Sues Dixie Chicks over Hail to the Chief
        Jul 26, 2006 - 9:00
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WASHINGTON, D.C. - Acting on information gained from cell phone surveillance, President Bush filed suit in a Washington, D.C., court yesterday to stop the Dixie Chicks from using "Hail to the Chief" to herald their arrival on stage during their present concert tour.

The president's lawyers argued in a 225-page brief that the Chicks' continued use of the song could "materially and significantly harm the image of the presidency, which harm, during a time of war such as this, could well constitute an act of treason as defined specifically but not exclusively in the Patriot Act."

The Dixie Chicks, whose lead singer Natalie Maines once told a British audience that the group was ashamed of the fact that the president came from Texas, could not be reached for comment. A source close to the group said its members were busy writing thank you notes to everyone "brave enough to attend their concerts in a country run by a two-bit, butthole dictator."

With his approval ratings in erectile dysfunction, President Bush has become increasingly sensitive to the national security implications of criticism from entertainers. He authorized the FBI to monitor cell phone usage by fans on the Dixie Chicks current tour, which began July 21 in Detroit. While reviewing cell phone transmissions from that show, the FBI discovered that the Dixie Chicks arrived on stage to the strains of "Hail to the Chief."

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Presidential press secretary, Tony Snow, defended the government's right to spy on music fans at concerts.

"We are well aware that many people turn their cell phones on and hold them up during concerts," said Mr. Snow, a former television personality. "Because we have legitimate concerns that this practice might provide terrorists with a means of communicating with each other, we decided to monitor cell phone usage at a random selection of concerts. That the Dixie Chicks and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young were the first groups designated for surveillance is entirely coincidental. What's more, our surveillance of cell phone usage does not extend to the private calls of entertainers on tour, except as such calls might be monitored in other kinds of legitimate surveillance."

Mr. Snow warned that if the Dixie Chicks did not cease and desist immediately, the government could not rule out military action to force compliance. In addition, said Mr. Snow, "the president is seriously considering asking Congress to pass an amendment to the constitution forbidding the use of "Hail to the Chief" at any events at which the president is not physically present."

In related news, Israeli fighter pilots bombed the Tweeter Centre in Beirut, Lebanon, yesterday, killing 2,861 fans at a Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) concert. Using U.S.-supplied fighter planes, the pilots dropped six, five-hundred-pound, U.S.-supplied bombs on the centre just as Mr. Islam arrived on stage to the tune of "Hava Nagila."

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.

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