Obesity Is Contagious, Can Be Spread by Sexual Contact
Jul 26, 2007, 10:38
"Run, little buddy, run."
BOSTON – A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine reveals not only that obesity is contagious but also that it can be spread by sexual contact. These ground-shaking conclusions were reached following an analysis of an extra-large social network of 12,067 people monitored from 1971 through 2003.
“Not to put too blunt a point on our findings, but you are who you eat,” said chief researcher, Christopher A. Nicholatkis, professor of morbid obesity at Harvard Medical School.
The fat-by-association study, code named “A Poke in a Pig,” gathered information about who was doing what with whom as well as who was a spouse, significant other, casual hookup, sibling, or neighbor. Researchers also knew how much each person weighed at various times during the study. This mountain of information allowed researchers to reconstruct what happened to individuals who were intimate with obese persons.
According to researchers’ findings, sexual contact with an obese person increases one’s chances of becoming obese by 57 percent. There was no increased risk of obesity, however, from merely socializing with obese friends or neighbors; and family members exerted even less influence on weight gain than friends or neighbors did, except in the South, where the study’s findings were confounded by the fact that many Southerners have sex with family members.
The implications of the Poke in a Pig study are far reaching,” said Dr. Nicholatkis.
Sex with the super petite can be detrimental to your health.
“This could put an end to mercy fucks,” he said. “In addition, fat people, who are four times more willing to give head than other people are, may find it more difficult to attract partners despite that fact. Everyone remembers what Monica Lewinsky did to President Clinton’s waistline.”
Dr. Nicholatkis admitted that more research was necessary before he would be willing to say whether different kinds of sexual activity with obese people carried different levels of risk.
“We need to weigh certain variables more carefully before we can say, for example, whether oral sex with an obese person is less dangerous than sexual intercourse. In the meantime there are some guidelines of which people ought to be aware: if you have to roll a woman in flour and look for the wet spot in order to know where to penetrate her, or if a guy’s tits are bigger than yours, you’re safer going home alone.”
Follow up: Yesterday we reported that Lindsay Lohan had been charged with cocaine possession after the drug had been found in one of the pockets of her jeans. Subsequent to our report, the Los Angeles police dropped that charge after Ms. Lohan had informed them that the cocaine wasn’t hers.
