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Bush, Brown Off to Awkward Start in First Meeting
Jul 30, 2007, 07:52
"C'mon, boy. Up. You can do it."
CAMP DAVID, Md. - President Bush and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown appear to have gotten off to an awkward start when they met at Camp David yesterday.
The president seemed puzzled when Mr. Brown did not roll over on his back and kick his legs in the air as former prime minister, Tony Blair, used to do whenever he greeted Mr. Bush, and some feared this portended a certain coolness in the relationship between the United States and Great Britain.
"The boss was looking for the same kind of eagerness Tony Boy exhibited," said White House spokesperson, Tony Snow, "but the president understands that new prime ministers can be shy until they get comfortable in strange surroundings."
Nicholas Dorfman, a prime minister behavior specialist, said that although Mr. Bush was correct in bringing Mr. Brown to Camp David on a weekend rather than a busy weekday, the presence of "all those aides and flunkies" did not create an atmosphere in which the prime minister could feel at ease while he explored his new surroundings.
Small wonder then that Mr. Brown refused to sit on Mr. Bush's lap while they and their interpreters watched videos in the Camp David theater after dinner.
"That was another disappointment for the president," said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.
According to Ms. Rice, earlier in the day Mr. Brown refused to play fetch with the president, and during dinner the prime minister insisted on drinking his water from a glass rather than a bowl.
The president was disappointed when Mr. Brown didn't hang his head out of the window the way Tony Boy Blair used to do.
The new relationship was not helped by the president's insistence on washing Mr. Brown's blanket before he went to bed, said Mr. Dorfman.
"Familiar scents are comforting to prime ministers when they are away from home. If Mr. Bush had read my book, You and Your New Prime Minister, he would have known that."
Despite the rough going and the puddle on the rug in the corner of the Camp David guest room, "the president is looking forward to getting to know Mr. Brown better," said Mr. Snow. "Perhaps a brisk walk through the woods tomorrow and some quail hunting with the vice president will help them to bond."
In other news, President Bush told reporters that Iraq's recent victory over Saudi Arabia in the championship match of the Asian Cup soccer finals "is proof positive that the troop surge is working."
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
