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Numbers That Wag the Dog
Jews as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.2
Source: Jewish Virtual Library

Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals as % of U.S. Population . . . 2.3
Source: NHIS data in the Washington Post

Persons with Celiac disease as % of U.S. population: 1
Source: Food Republic

Persons who follow a gluten-free diet, despite not having celiac, as a % of U.S. population: 3
Source: National Foundation for Celiac Awareness

Percent of these people who are deluding themselves: 100
Source: The Pug Bus

Official Carly Fiorina
C-Bomb Counter™
The Donald was right: Who could vote for that mug? Imagine seeing that cowpie with eyes on the front page of your newspaper in the morning. The only thing worse would be seeing that cowpie with eyes in your bed in the morning. She's a two-bagger, for sure. She's also a devout foe of the word cunt, though she gives every appearance of being one.Indeed,a source close to the Fiorina campaign revealed recently that if old grumblemug gets elected, she'll make the use of that word in any public space a felony. Thus we feel obliged to introduce the Official Carly Fiorina C-Bomb Counter, which reports the number of times the C-Bomb has been used any place in America since you landed on this page. (Figures do not include uses by Donald Trump, who calls women cunts all the time.)

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Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand.
Sample chapters . . . -1-  -2-

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Jennifer Aniston Says Brad Pitt Is Gay
Aug 3, 2005 - 6:29
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HOLLYWOOD - In her first interview since her breakup with Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston told Vanity Fair she was initially "dumbfounded" when she saw photographs of Pitt with his hair dyed "a really gay blond" shortly after the couple had split. Aniston said she recalled thinking, "Ohmigod, he didn't waste any time coming out, did he?"

According to Aniston, she had suspected for some time that all was not "on the straight and narrow" with Pitt's sexual preferences. While refusing to go into detail, Aniston confessed that Pitt wanted her "to dress up like a man" when the couple had sex. Aniston said she tried to accommodate Pitt at first, but "some of the things he wanted me to wear were quite uncomfortable—not to mention ridiculous looking.

"I didn't mind the Village People and Barbra Streisand CDs, or watching that Kevin Kline movie about the gay high school teacher over and over," said Aniston, "but the accessories were over the top."

Aniston said she finally complained to Pitt about those "accessories," but he told her if she didn't want to "play ball" with him, he would find someone else who would.

"I thought he was bluffing at first," said Aniston, "and that his so-called 'attraction' to Angelina Jolie was just an attempt to gain leverage in our relationship. The next thing I knew, he was photographed playing house with her and visiting a known gay beach in Africa. That really hurt."

Although Aniston struggled to maintain a brave facade in the Vanity Fair interview, she broke down twice during the three-hour session. The first time was when she described her reaction to Pitt's new hair color. The second time was when she recalled her feelings upon realizing that Pitt had contracted AIDS.

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"That story about Brad being hospitalized with viral meningitis didn't fool me," said Aniston. "I know what that's code for."

Aniston said that even before she learned about "Brad's medical condition," she had forgiven Pitt and felt no animosity toward him.

"If he found someone willing to do things I was uncomfortable doing, more power to him—and to her. I will always love Brad, funny accessories and all."

Pitt, who is currently vacationing on Fire Island with Angelina Jolie, could not be reached for comment about Aniston's interview. Pitt's spokeswoman, Cindy Guagenti, issued a terse statement saying Aniston is "seriously delusional if she thinks Brad Pitt is gay, even though there's nothing wrong with being gay, of course. Indeed, Brad remains sincerely grateful for the support of his legions of gay fans."

In related news, Brad Pitt is reported to have purchased an ocean-front condominium in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware, a favorite playground destination for members of the Washington, D.C. gay community.

If you liked this one, please tell a friend. Didn't like it? Tell a cop, your minister, the FCC, the NSA, or the HMFIC down at the American Family Association.

© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren't looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked. Have a secular day.


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