You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Britney Spears' New CD in Starbucks Tuesday
Aug 4, 2007, 09:08
LOS ANGELES - The long-awaited new Britney Spears CD, Here I Come Again, will go on sale at all Starbucks outlets around the world on Tuesday. A source close to the project told Billboard magazine that Ms. Spears chose Starbucks because "it has always been her refuge" whenever she felt misunderstood.
"No matter what lies the false tabloids were spreading about her, a venti strawberry frappuccino could always put a smile on Britney's face," said Ms. Spears' manager, Billy Kramer.
A spokesperson for Starbucks said the coffee giant had decided to sign Ms. Spears to its new Hear Music label in order to change the perception that Hear is "an assisted-living facility" for heritage acts like Paul McCartney, Joni Mitchell, and James Taylor.
Despite security that was reputed to have been "tighter than a nine-year-old," Here I Come Again has begun circulating via Pirate Bay and peer-to-peer sources. If there is, indeed, honor among thieves, the CD is a refreshing mix of balls-to-the-wall house music, brooding trip hop, bright and fizzy techno, and the occasional acoustic ballad. The CD also features a hidden track, the delightful, reggae-infused "Me and My Frap (Don't Take No Crap)."
Many of the song titles on Here I Come Again—"Strap It On, Girlfriend," "Rehab Don't Pay No Rent," "Drivin' with the Lights Off"—could have been culled from last year's headlines. Ms. Spears' lyrics are similarly up close and personal.
In "Hershey Highway Blues" she sings: "It's OK in the front; but I luv it in the back; I luvs to see my honey with some chocolate on his sack."
In "Mama Does It Doggie Style" Britney shows that she's not ready to make nice with her mother quite yet: "I know my Momma she ain't no angel; my momma she gets plenty wild; she told me that when she gets horny, she likes to do it doggie style."
Other titles on Here I Come Again include "Shavin' the Night Away," "(I Want) My Two-headed Lover," "Hot to Trot," "Lindsay Gets a Facial," and "Put It Here."
In other news, Jessica Simpson told THEM Weekly that she hopes Minneapolis police are able to find the dentist "who did the bad bridge work that killed all them people."
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
