Who gives a shit about National Bubble Bath Day? We don't. National Take Your Grand Kid Out to Lunch Day? Fuck that, and your grand kid, too. For the really fun days, the ones that nobody else has the imagination to celebrate, days like National Ain't Woke, Do Not Disturb Day℠, National Ignore the Ban on Plastic Straws Day℠, and others visit . . . The Book of Daze℠.
Your Virtual GanjaScope
A half-century's worth of smoking pot/hash/shatter/live resin carts has led us to conclude that horoscopes are more fun and more accurate when you're stoned...and they're even better when the person who wrote them was stoned, too. If you're looking to turn over a new leaf, visit GanjaScope.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a 250-pound lesbian Language Arts teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive, dangle a participle, or dare to misuse penultimate. Visit The Grammar Prick.
There's a Saint for That
There's a saint in every pot, and a prayer card for every condition. Just tell us where it hurts you, and we'll tell you whom to call and where to send your donations. Let us pray.
Here's to a Brighter Day
Brights neither seek nor accept any supernatural "explanations" for life. If that sounds like a bright idea to you, click here.
Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous to mention.
God Chides President Bush Over Intelligent Design Aug 7, 2005 - 9:07
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a statement faxed to the editor of US Weekly magazine, God chided President George W. Bush for using the theory of intelligent design "to suck up to people who claim they speak for me or, worse yet, people who claim that I have spoken directly to them."
God explained that He had chosen the popular celebrity magazine as the forum in which to speak because "celebrity is the new religion in America." Then he proceeded to criticize the president's belief that the theory of intelligent design should be taught alongside Darwin's theory of evolution in schools.
"Darwin's theory is a rational attempt at understanding and explaining the workings of the universe," wrote God. "It's one of the more significant intellectual achievements of mankind. The intelligent design theory, on the other hand, consists of five words: God must have done it. How much teaching does that require? It isn't exactly rocket science."
In God's judgment "the theory of intelligent design is often the first resort of people who are too lazy to think a problem through for themselves." What's more, he argued, intelligent design "falls apart like a cheap thong" if it's applied to the war in Iraq, the Dukes of Hazard movie, Kevin Federline Spears, Alexander, or the entire cast of Viva La Bam.
"Intelligent design shouldn't have to take the rap for those follies," wrote God. "In fact, I resent people trying to lay those trips on me. I much prefer Darwin's theory because it explains the occasional cold sore on the red carpet of life without editorializing."
No sooner had God issued his rebuke of President Bush, than Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) hastened to align himself with his alleged creator. Santorum issued a press release saying that intelligent design "lacked scientific credibility and should not be taught in science classes."
Not surprisingly, Santorum was attacked by Christian fanatics who took time from their fervent demonizing of Bill Frist (R-TN) to remind Santorum that in a CBS poll conducted last November, two out of three Americans said they wanted creationism taught alongside evolution in schools.
"That's what makes the senator's position so genuine," said one Santorum aide. "It's easy for God to trash intelligent design. God isn't running for re-election."
In other news, God reported that the Verizon caller id package He had installed a few months ago has "significantly decreased" the number of annoying, superficial prayer requests, particularly from sports fans.
Some photos cannot be shopped. They are perfect just the way god made them. Such perfection does not happen by accident, and wise, indeed, is the man who says "you can't photoshop this."
The Pug Bus Interview
Enjoy the interviews nobody else has the sack to do. We aren't afraid to stop totally at the surface, because no matter how beautiful a person might be on the inside, you've still got to look at him or her when you're speaking to 'em..Read on.