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McCanns Enlist Stella McCartney to Repair Image
Aug 12, 2007, 14:07
Portugese police now believe Gerry McCann's fashion sense may be dead already.
PRAIA DA LUZ, Portugal - The Portuguese press and the residents of this resort community have become more hostile toward Kate and Gerry McCann by the minute. Finally the couple has decided to fight back.
In an exclusive interview with THEM Weekly scheduled to hit the newsstands on Friday, Kate McCann revealed that she and her husband have contacted Stella McCartney and other top designers, asking them to help repair the McCanns' tattered sartorial image.
"We are being pilloried by the press here for 'the crime' of appearing a trifle tatty," said Kate McCann. "My god! Have these people no consideration? How would they look if they were searching night and day for their missing daughter?"
"Kate and Gerry are usually good dressers," said a friend of the dowdy-looking couple, "but they've been too busy designing T-shirts, releasing balloons, planning rallies, and that sort of thing to pay much attention to their clothes.
"Instead of hinting that Kate and Gerry are under suspicion, the local police ought to realize that the fact that Kate and Gerry don't always look their best in public is proof of their innocence."
Nevertheless, the McCanns say they are "in discussions" with Ms. McCartney, whom they have asked for help in making them look more appealing to an increasingly skeptic press and public.
Can this couple be saved?
A spokeswoman for Ms. McCartney acknowledged that she had heard from the McCanns and was "weighing their appeal" that she donate her time and services to their cause.
"Stella realizes, however," said the spokeswoman, "that there's a fine line between looking casually smart and callously correct. If she makes Kate McCann look like Posh Spice, for example, the press are going to say that Kate ought to be spending lees time worrying about her clothes and more time trying to find her daughter.
"I'll also let you in on a little secret," the spokeswoman continued, "there really isn't much anybody can do about Gerry McCann. He's always going to look as if he'd be more comfortable wearing scrubs."
Next Oprah: Free makeovers to three parents who have recently lost their children
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
