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Sample chapters . . . -1- -2-

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Trigger warning! The content of this website may cause raging panic attacks in hypersensitive snowflakes who suffer from androphobia, galactophobia, emetophobia, corprophobia, claustrophobia, fear of taints, and other psycho-sexual maladies too numerous and frightening to mention.

Crackdown on Illegal Immigrant Prostitutes Called Un-American
Aug 13, 2007 - 10:03
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"You want me to do what? Why don't you go find
a Mexican whore?"
WEST CHESTER, Penna. - Nineteen persons gathered at the county courthouse Saturday morning to protest the introduction of new federal measures that threaten to remove undocumented prostitutes from the streets and campus of this college town.

"The new regulations are a threat not only to food service and landscaping industries but also to escort services, on which a lot of people in the borough, especially college students, depend," said one protester who identified himself only as "John."

The new regulations of which John spoke were unveiled by Michael Chertoff, the secretary of homeland security, and Carlos M. Gutierrez, the secretary of commerce, at a news conference in Washington, D.C., recently. According to those regulations, prostitutes will have ninety days to resolve any discrepancies between social security numbers they provide to undercover police and the official records of the Social Security Administration. Prostitutes who cannot provide valid social security information within ninety days will not be permitted to work inside city, town, or borough limits anywhere in the United States.

Many opponents of these regulations call them unfair and racially biased. Others simply call them "a bummer, man."

One protester—who identified himself only as "a criminal justice professor named Juan"—told a reporter for the Daily Local News' lifestyle section: "It's almost impossible to find a white girl who will do a Dirty Sanchez. Let's face it, illegal-immigrant prostitutes can't be choosers. They'll do the gritty jobs that other prostitutes won't do, and they'll do them for less money."

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This gentleman was protesting both the war in Iraq and the crackdown on illegal immigrant prostitutes.
Because Saturday's anti-illegal-immigration-regulation protest was held at the same time and on the same corner as the West Chester Peace Project's four-year-old, weekly anti-war demonstration, some unintended humorous consequences ensued.

"Our demonstrations generally attract eight or nine protestors," said West Chester Peace Project's Cissy Mills-Jones. "At first we were thrilled to see all those new people on the corner, even if some of them were wearing a little too much makeup for so early in the day, but then we realized they weren't spelling 'peace' the same way that we were."

Opinions about the anti-illegal-immigration-regulation protest were split along party lines among members of the West Chester Peace Project. The two or three Pat Buchanan Republicans protesting the war wanted "that Dirty Sanchez" crowd arrested, but the war protesters from the West Chester Friends Meeting defended the prostitutes' right to demonstrate.

"I do wish their signs were less graphic," said Ms. Mills-Jones. "Besides, 'Honk If You Love Pussy' is similar to 'Honk If You Love Peace.' My mother, Barbara Smith-Mills, forgot her glasses this morning; and she said to me, 'Isn't it wonderful that all these people are honking? The tide must really be turning against the war.' I didn't have the heart to explain."

In related news, owners of West Chester's three Mexican restaurants say that the Bush administration's crackdown on illegal immigrants with bogus social security numbers could bring to an end "free child care services for our customers."

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