Your sun is in arrears and your moon is in contempt. Ordinarily this would mean that you should be incognito, but these are not ordinary times. The presence of the planet Dipthong in your literary house and the emergence of the Ringo star in your musical constellation point to the need for the bold initiative instead. Remember, the grand gesture is the prelude to grand success. Think large, live large, and-as Lane Bryant is my judge-large will be your shadow on the world's stage.
Madonna Recovering Accent after Riding Fall
Aug 17, 2005, 09:18
TOLLARD ROYAL - Lady Madonna Louise Ciccone is recovering her British accent "quite nicely, thank you," said a spokeswoman for the American singer turned faux aristocrat.
Lady Madonna temporarily lost her accent—in addition to cracking three ribs and breaking her collarbone and her hand—when she fell while riding on the 1,200-acre grounds of Ashcombe House, her country residence in the village of Tollard Royal on the Wiltshire-Dorset border. Lady Madonna, who turned forty-seven yesterday, was attempting to post the trot around a corner when her cell phone rang, causing her pony to break into a gallop.
Doctors feared the singer had suffered a concussion because she was cursing mightily in a lower-middle-class American accent when she arrived in hospital.
"Her accent and vocabulary choices were indicative of a concussion, which often causes a person to revert to type linguistically," said Trevor Bidwell, MB BChir, in clipped upper-class tones.
Based on that diagnosis, Dr. Bidwell thought Lady Madonna should he held overnight for observation. When she was taken to a private suite usually reserved for members of the royal family, however, Lady Madonna exclaimed, "I'm right chuffed to be in such a posh setting."
"We knew then we were out of the woods," said Dr. Bidwell. "We decided that the best thing for Lady Madonna's accent was bed rest and the two Bridget Jones movies."
Lady Madonna acquired a British accent several years ago shortly after she had begun dating Guy Ritchie, director of the hit London gangster movie Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Although their movie collaboration Swept Away is considered one of the worst movies ever made, Lady Madonna's British accent has been somewhat better received by her neighbors in Tollard Royal.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Ten Things You Should Flip the Bird to Before You Die 1. Religion
3. Seat Belts
5. Paying for Music and Movies
6. The Bucket List
7. Classical Music
8. Pissing Indoors All the Time
10. Going to Bed Early.