Because you are highly possessive, adore your own company, and are inclined to mate for life, you begin a campaign to have self-sex marriages legalized. Your slogan, "Be part of the problem and part of the solution at the same time," is too clever by half, and your campaign comes to grief when you are caught making an unauthorized deposit at a sperm bank.
The Grammar Prick
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.Visit The Grammar Prick
Postcards the Book
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any nightstand. Sample chapters . . . -1--2-
Madonna Recovering Accent after Riding Fall Aug 17, 2005 - 9:18
TOLLARD ROYAL - Lady Madonna Louise Ciccone is recovering her British accent "quite nicely, thank you," said a spokeswoman for the American singer turned faux aristocrat.
Lady Madonna temporarily lost her accent—in addition to cracking three ribs and breaking her collarbone and her hand—when she fell while riding on the 1,200-acre grounds of Ashcombe House, her country residence in the village of Tollard Royal on the Wiltshire-Dorset border. Lady Madonna, who turned forty-seven yesterday, was attempting to post the trot around a corner when her cell phone rang, causing her pony to break into a gallop.
Doctors feared the singer had suffered a concussion because she was cursing mightily in a lower-middle-class American accent when she arrived in hospital.
"Her accent and vocabulary choices were indicative of a concussion, which often causes a person to revert to type linguistically," said Trevor Bidwell, MB BChir, in clipped upper-class tones.
Based on that diagnosis, Dr. Bidwell thought Lady Madonna should he held overnight for observation. When she was taken to a private suite usually reserved for members of the royal family, however, Lady Madonna exclaimed, "I'm right chuffed to be in such a posh setting."
"We knew then we were out of the woods," said Dr. Bidwell. "We decided that the best thing for Lady Madonna's accent was bed rest and the two Bridget Jones movies."
Lady Madonna acquired a British accent several years ago shortly after she had begun dating Guy Ritchie, director of the hit London gangster movie Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Although their movie collaboration Swept Away is considered one of the worst movies ever made, Lady Madonna's British accent has been somewhat better received by her neighbors in Tollard Royal.