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Hillary Clinton Regrets Not Regretting War Authorization Vote
Aug 20, 2007, 10:13
"Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention."
DES MOINES, Iowa - Hillary Clinton dropped a nuance at last night's presidential debate at Drake University when she told the audience that she now regrets having said she did not regret her Iraqi war authorization vote.
"I was, perhaps, too forthright for my own good when I said that I did not regret voting to give President Bush the power to conduct the war in Iraq, I only regretted the way he had conducted that war," Senator Clinton declared. “Since then I have come to regret my candor, so let me say now that I regret having said that I had no regrets about authorizing the war.”
Senator Clinton was equally decisive when she was asked if she thought her pro-war vote was a mistake.
“Insofar as admitting to having a regret can be equated to admitting that one made a mistake, then, yes, I suppose it would be accurate to allow that inference to go unchallenged.”
Senator Clinton’s remark was pounced on immediately by Delaware Senator Joe Biden, who, like Senator Clinton’s other fellow candidates John Edwards and Christopher Dodd, also voted in October 2003 to authorize the war.
"Raise your hand if you don't believe in evolution and you do believe homosexuality is a choice."
“Why doesn’t Senator Clinton just admit she made a mistake when she voted to authorize the war?” asked Senator Biden rhetorically. Then, hastening to answer rhetorically, he said, “I’ll tell you why, since you asked, because she’s afraid of alienating the undecided, slightly right-of-center, former Reagan Democrats. That’s why.
“This country needs a president who isn’t afraid to alienate people. Hell, I alienated many African Americans when I said—and without an apparent trace of irony, I might add—that Barack Obama, even though he isn’t fit to be president, is undeniably clean-cut and articulate.”
In related news, Senator Clinton said after the debate that she has also begun to have some regrets about naming her daughter, Chelsea, after a Judy Collins song.
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Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
