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NRA President Attacks NAACP's Michael Vick Tool
Aug 23, 2007, 09:22
FAIRFAX, Vir. - NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, assailed R.L. White, HMFIC and president of the NAACP's Atlanta chapter, for suggesting that deer hunting is "just as bad as" dog fighting.
"Mr. White's comments are insulting and disgusting," said Mr. LaPierre. "Obviously there is nothing a black person can do that is so heinous another black person won't find some excuse to defend it. On behalf of deer hunters everywhere, I demand a complete and abject apology."
What caused Mr. LaPierre's musket to fire at will was Mr. White's comment that he didn't understand the uproar over dog fighting when deer hunting and other kinds of hunting are perfectly acceptable.
"The social benefits of deer hunting have been embroidered into the fabric of this great nation since its beginning," said Mr. LaPierre. "Deer hunting helps to promote healthy, vigorous deer herds by means of controlled, legal harvesting. Deer hunting also puts food on the tables of needy families.
"I suppose Mr. White is going to say next that Mr. Vick was simply trying to control the pet overpopulation problem in rural Virginia—or that he was merely providing meat to Chinese restaurants. Mr. White is obviously a charlatan, a fool, and a stupid do-rag."
Mr. White, for his part, did not hesitate to return fire.
"Them John Wayne-worshipping, Karl Rove-butt-kissing white devils are piling on Michael Vick because they want to take down hip-hop culture, which has their children in its grasp. You don't see no white kids dressing up like Clay Aiken and walking no fluffy little fag dogs, do you? White kids want to look like Fiddy and LL and Nas, with bad-ass pits on a chain, and that gets all up in white people's cracks, f'shizzle."
O.J. Simpson, who is no stranger to jurisprudence, seconded Mr. White's contention that Michael Vick would have been less reviled had he killed a human being.
"If I had killed that bitch Nicole and her bagel-eating boyfriend," said Mr. Simpson, "I would have been careful not to off that stupid Akita she slept with. Letting that dog live was the one of the smartest things I ever did in my life. I don't know if the dream team could of saved my butt for that one."
Next Oprah: Barack Obama assures swing voters that the white side of him is appalled at Michael Vick's crime.
Amused? Disgusted? Royally pissed off? Click the Twitter link to share with a friend. Go ahead. It's free.
Former Penn State football coach Joe Paterno did not die of a broken heart, as many of his delusional followers are claiming. He died of a guilty conscience. Anybody who says otherwise is a toadying douchebag.
You suffer from automonosis—the tendency to become bored with your own company. If you need to get away from yourself, here's a tip: you don't have to die in order to be reincarnated. People who don't like themselves often find happiness when they become somebody else. Companies that advertise in the backs of magazines are ready to assist in this transformation. If there are compelling personal reasons for not changing your identity, perhaps a trip to a spa for a simple makeover will do the trick.
Meaner than a powdery, old-hag English teacher, The Grammar Prick will split your head if you split an infinitive.
The book that inspired a website is available from Cedar Tree Books. Written by someone who was actually raised by pugs, Postcards is a welcome addition to any mailbox. Sample chapters:
Strike a blow for freedom.
