Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
NRA President Attacks NAACP’s Michael Vick Tool
Aug 23, 2007, 09:22
FAIRFAX, Vir. – NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, assailed R.L. White, HMFIC and president of the NAACP’s Atlanta chapter, for suggesting that deer hunting is “just as bad as” dog fighting.
“Mr. White’s comments are insulting and disgusting,” said Mr. LaPierre. “Obviously there is nothing a black person can do that is so heinous another black person won’t find some excuse to defend it. On behalf of deer hunters everywhere, I demand a complete and abject apology.”
What caused Mr. LaPierre’s musket to fire at will was Mr. White’s comment that he didn't understand the uproar over dog fighting when deer hunting and other kinds of hunting are perfectly acceptable.
“The social benefits of deer hunting have been embroidered into the fabric of this great nation since its beginning,” said Mr. LaPierre. “Deer hunting helps to promote healthy, vigorous deer herds by means of controlled, legal harvesting. Deer hunting also puts food on the tables of needy families.
“I suppose Mr. White is going to say next that Mr. Vick was simply trying to control the pet overpopulation problem in rural Virginia—or that he was merely providing meat to Chinese restaurants. Mr. White is obviously a charlatan, a fool, and a stupid do-rag.”
Mr. White, for his part, did not hesitate to return fire.
“Them John Wayne-worshipping, Karl Rove-butt-kissing white devils are piling on Michael Vick because they want to take down hip-hop culture, which has their children in its grasp. You don’t see no white kids dressing up like Clay Aiken and walking no fluffy little fag dogs, do you? White kids want to look like Fiddy and LL and Nas, with bad-ass pits on a chain, and that gets all up in white people’s cracks, f’shizzle.”
O.J. Simpson, who is no stranger to jurisprudence, seconded Mr. White’s contention that Michael Vick would have been less reviled had he killed a human being.
“If I had killed that bitch Nicole and her bagel-eating boyfriend,” said Mr. Simpson, “I would have been careful not to off that stupid Akita she slept with. Letting that dog live was the one of the smartest things I ever did in my life. I don’t know if the dream team could of saved my buns for that one.”
Next Oprah: Barack Obama assures swing voters that the white side of him is appalled at Michael Vick’s crime.
Through a rare but infrequent case of cross-mutation, your zip code and DNA will be transformed, and you will be seized with an overwhelming urge to open fire on your coworkers. By wetting your finger and pressing it onto an electric socket, you can transfer the effects of that mutation into an urge to dress like Lady GaGa.
