Your financial prospects are so wretched you could only afford the new George Foreman heavyweight grill on a time-sharing arrangement with a family that’s overly fond of road-kill. Later in the month a threee-hundred-pound canary named Junior will raise the specter of duality, adjectives, and the Hegelian dialectic in your mind.
Michael Jackson Candy Bar Fails to Attract
Aug 29, 2005, 09:32
NEW YORK - Michael Jackson's birthday celebration in Dubai was dampened by the anouncement that Godiva Chocolatier is close to halting distribution of Candy, Little Boy?, the commemorative candy bar introduced when Jackson's trial began earlier this year.
The white chocolate confection boasts a creamy nougat center encased in a hard shell wreathed by strands of blueberry-tinted chocolate. Available in teen and preteen sizes, Candy, Little Boy? is packaged in a miniature, white satin sheet embossed with the words "Luv U, Michael" in 14-karat gold filigree.
Godiva does not publish total sales figures, but a member of the company's public relations office said the performance of Candy, Little Boy? was disappointing.
"Sales have been totally limp," the member said. "We had high hopes for this product, but it never took off. We're all feeling let down."
These dispiriting words stand in contrast to the enthusiasm that accompanied the launch of Candy, Little Boy? At that time Rene LeBoeuf, head of research and development at Godiva, described Candy, Little Boy? as "gentle, almost diffident on the tongue, yet exploding with high notes of impish, dancing flavor." According to LeBoeuf, "Children in our test kitchens were unable to resist the charms of this candy."
Children and, more important, parents shopping the twelve hundred Godiva specialty boutiques and outlets in fine department stores seemed quite able to resist the charms of Candy, Little Boy? Even so Godiva remained hopeful that a guilty verdict would spur interest in Jackson's candy bar.
"Truthfully, we were rooting for a guilty verdict," said LeBoeuf. "When that didn't happen, we knew it was only a matter of time. Not even the two jurors' admission that Michael was guilty as sin could save us then. Unless Michael gets caught [sleeping with] a goat or a sheik's son in Dubai at his birthday party today, this product is history."
Jackson, who is said to be looking for property in Dubai, could not be reached for comment. A representative for the singer told a reporter, "Michael doesn't really approve of children eating candy. He always served organic fruit rollups to his overnight guests."
In other news, a spokesman for rapper Marion "Suge" Knight's right buttock issued a statement denying that the buttock was hit when Knight was shot early Sunday morning. "It was the leg, sucka," said the statement. "Ain't no skin off Suge's butt. It's fly as ever."
Your financial prospects are so wretched you could only afford the new George Foreman heavyweight grill on a time-sharing arrangement with a family that’s overly fond of road-kill. Later in the month a threee-hundred-pound canary named Junior will raise the specter of duality, adjectives, and the Hegelian dialectic in your mind.
